6 Varsity Sports UNCC Would Actually Be Good At

author-pic at UNC Charlotte  

When people think of UNC Charlotte, they completely avoid the topic of sports. Who would be proud of our mediocre football team or our used-to-be-good-7-years-ago-baseball team? UNCC’s sporting culture needs a little updating, so we have a few suggestions on which varsity sports UNCC should bring to campus to spice up athletics.

6.) Underwater Basket-Weaving:
This is an obscure sport that no one really pays attention to besides merely knowing it exists, which makes it perfect for UNCC! With the (basically) brand new pool installed in Belk, aspiring artisans can try their best to create the best basket while trying not to drown. 

5.) Hot Dog Eating:
Who wouldn’t want to watch their peers shove wieners and buns down their throat at alarming speeds? The university could even get Chartwells to cater! That’s a win in our book, and considering hungover bros do this on the regular anyway, it’s time we make it official. 

4.) Parkour:
UNCC’s campus has a ton of random things to climb, so creating a parkour team would only add onto the value of our campus! Kids running around doing flips and shit all over campus would finally have a reason they do so, not just because they’re still obsessed with a trend from 2007. 

3.) Roller Derby:
Imagine this: the university decides to create a roller derby team, builds a roller rink on campus and then lets students use the rink for cheap when the team isn’t using it. It’d be good sober fun, just like high school! UNCC needs more awkward sexual tension and this is the cure. 

2.) Drunk Bare-Fist Boxing:
Drunk frat boys already do this in their spare time, so the university might as well try to make some dough off of it. And, because the sport requires drinking, the crowd must be drunk as well. Sounds lit.

1.) Spoons:
 Seeing that the game is solely based in luck, every game would be exciting and invigorating and we wouldn’t have to rest on the desert of talent that is our normal varsity sport recruiting office. You just throw some cards around, grab the spoon and blammo, suddenly we’re better at something than Chapel Hill, which we can all get behind. Even if it’s a dumb card game that takes zero skill whatsoever. Go Niners!

The Charlotte athletic department needs a little pizazz here and there to spruce up game attendance and reduce apathy. Hopefully the university takes some of our suggestions into consideration.