College comes with a lot of uncertainties, but one thing you can be certain of is that the UNCC registration system has probably screwed you over this past week whether you’re a freshman or fifth year senior. Mild mannered students have become blood (and class) thirsty monsters when it comes to getting the classes they need. With overcrowding in every major, it can be near impossible to get your “ideal” schedule. You’re either going be wait-listed for a class you need to graduate, be forced to take an 8 a.m. on Friday, or have the worst-rated professor across the campus.
So when the broken registration system inevitably fucks up your schedule, you might as well have an enjoyable, interesting semester with our top picks for this spring (because your advisor DEFINITELY isn’t going to respond to your desperate emails):
Unlike some of the other classes listed below, this class does involve one prerequisite: you have to have given up on your dreams of being talented. Being pretty self explanatory, this class teaches only the untalented how to manage actual talent by giving lessons in “collecting talent,” “subtly mentioning said talent in conversations that have nothing to do with the subject,” and “living vicariously through your clients.”
9.) CEGR 4162: Transportation Planning:
There are many things that could potentially go wrong while using your vehicle. “Transportation Planning,” teaches you how to plan for the real emergency situations you may have while driving such as, when your phone dies before you have finished using the GPS or when you spill a honey mustard packet from Cook Out because you were too impatient to wait until you got home to start eating. Not only will this class be a breeze for you to take after the stress of registration, but it’s also one of the few classes you take that has real-life application skills guaranteed to be used in the future!
Each class period, you get to stare out the windows of McEniry and share with your peers what the weather looks like that day. Sometimes you’ll bring up the weather app on your phone, or watch the local news to catch updates every 15 minutes. During Charlotte’s annual snowpocalypse of 1-2 inches of snow, you advise the Niner community to buy every last loaf of bread and gallon of milk within sight.
7.) MFPA 6113: Fire Failure Analysis:
Nothing sounds better than going into a sight of a fire and analyzing the situation. “Someone’s attempt at popcorn burned the whole building?” “Lynch Hall residents thought that 1/1000 fire alarms wasn’t a drill?” “Smoked pot in the high rises again?” “Lit a firecracker in their dorm hallway?” “Was Phase IV supposed to have ovens from this century?”
6.) WGST 2160: Intro to Lesbian & Gay Studies:
This class is a perfect fit to balance out that super F you’re going to get in that organic chemistry class. You may be surprised to know that this class even exists in a NC school, but if you can set aside your southern values for moment, you might just find it fun to take a walk on the wild side for a change. You might just meet some colorful characters at Scorpios in uptown during your final exam.
5.) CEGR 4271: Pavement Design:
Have you ever seen a block of wet pavement and argued with yourself over whether or not you should write “so-and-so was here” or maybe just your initials? Well, there’s now a class that will help you with that difficult decision of what to write in wet cement! For this class, homework includes running around town, writing your name on random sidewalks and carving your name in the brick paths around campus. Tests are graded on what professors call “pointer finger penmanship.”
4.) AFRS 2107: Global Hip Hop:
In this day and age, rap and hip hop are for everyone! That statement is lent truth by the many white boy “gangsters” who claim they’re straight thuggin’ by listening to real hardcore shit like Eminem and Drake.
3.) WGST 3220: Feminist Thought:
Are you a woman? Do you think your gender deserves more rights? Do you spend most of your time on Tumblr, accusing people of being sexist misogynists? If you answered yes to any and all of those questions, then you register away! Go in, complain about the patriarchy, make a few picket signs, and just like that, your GPA is sitting pretty. But more than pretty: strong, independent, and don’t need no man too.
2.) DANC 1214: Modern Dance:
Do you ever hear a song come on the radio and see everyone around you instantly start breaking it down while you’re left standing wondering what’s wrong with today’s youth? Don’t worry, folks, this is the class that will cure all your woes! “Modern Dance” will teach you hit dances such as the nae nae and the whip. With a little hard twerk, this class should be an easy A!
1.) RELS 3116: Paul:
This class is all about Paul. Nothing else. Just Paul. The history of Paul, anatomy of Paul, science of Paul and occasionally the religion of Paul. But that last one isn’t nearly as important as Paul’s favorite movie or what Paul had for breakfast. This class is so involved in Paul, that by the final exam, you will have become his very entity. Sound’s fun, right Paul?
These classes probably won’t make you feel any better about missing the one class you needed to graduate on time or having to renew your apartment for another entire year, but look on the bright side: as long as you have reach 12 hours, you’ll still get that meager financial aid!