UNC Charlotte is overall a pretty decent school, but we’ll be damned if its students can’t be some of the angriest people we’ve had the pleasure of coming in contact with. They aren’t angry without a reason though, and The Black Sheep made a list of each thing that causes us aneurysms on a weekly basis.
7.) Family and Friends Calling it “UNC”:
Aunt Cindy there are seven schools in the UNC system that have “UNC” in front of the city they’re located in. We certainly don’t go to Chapel Hill and we definitely don’t want to be associated remotely with Pembroke. Call it what it is, which is UNC Charlotte, Goddammit. This is why grandma doesn’t love you anymore.
6.) Delay the Light Rail:
At this rate the sun is going to burn out and the Earth is going to be plunged into an icy hell before this train officially opens. Most of the student body would be happy with DB that they could use for Uber as compensation for the mental abuse the university has put them through.
5.) Stand in Front of Prospector and Approach Us With Your Shit:
Listen guys and gals, if 90% of the people you try to speak to either have headphones in or make great efforts to avoid your table, maybe don’t speed walk over to them like you’re about to piss yourself so you can tell them about your fundraiser for Derek to buy a Tibetan Shepherd to brand with Greek letters.
4.) Email us About the Sweet Deals at the Bookstore We Can’t Afford:
As if the crippling student loan debt wasn’t enough, this university decides to foist its “deals” on us so we can spend even more money. 10% off an $80 Polo that you had made for $3 in Indonesia isn’t a steal, it’s highway robbery.
3.) Hate Preach Anywhere on Campus:
Listen Reverend Dickhead, it’s 2017 and most of the world paid attention in science class and doesn’t wonder why monkeys still exist if evolution is real. Peddle your superstition and “the gays stole the rainbow from god” rants somewhere else.
2.) Do Anything Loudly in the Library:
The occasional conversation when you’re passing through is fine, but nobody wants to hear about how you got free drinks for blowing the 35-year-old bartender from Rooftop this past Saturday. It doesn’t make you adventurous Sarah, it puts you on par with the crack whore from Breaking Bad.
1.) Ask Us What We’re Doing After Graduation:
This applies to pretty much every college student, but if someone asks me one more time what we’m going to use our degree for, we’re going to rip ourselves in half out of rage like our life’s the ending of a German fairytale.
Maybe investing in some kickboxing classes would help get the anger out, but now you can finally understand why the average UNCC student has the thousand-yard scowl of a World War Two vet who just heard someone speak Japanese.
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