Has your sex life become as dull as on-campus dining? Are you looking to spice things up? Look no further than the very center of your prestigious academic endeavors, UNC Charlotte. Whether you’re gay, straight, asexual, or self-replicating, something on this list is bound to be the ~perfect fit~.
10.) The Dubois Doggy Style:
In honor of our beloved Chancellor, this position is a refined take on the classic doggy style position. Consider sporting a bow tie or suit jacket while performing this position to truly make it Dubois worthy.
9.) Norm’s Revenge:
Fulfill Norm’s ultimate fantasy with this slightly fucked up position. All we’re going to say about this is that an object resembling a pick axe should be used.
8.) The South Village Pillage:
Perhaps the most savage of all positions, the south village pillage embodies the aggressive sexuality of South Village freshman. This is the perfect position to do when you’re too impatient for role play.
7.) The Photography Major:
Just set up a camera in the corner, and you’re ready to go! The Photography Major is inspired by the old school let-me-photograph-you-nude-for-art trick. An oldie but a goldie.
6.) The Library Stairwell:
The Library Stairwell is based on the real-life sexual endeavors of far too many UNC Charlotte students, with slight exhibitionist tendencies. This position is a common theme on UNCC bucket lists.
5.) Moore Hall Missionary:
Ah, Moore Hall, the site of many lost virginities; ah, missionary, the vessel through which many virginities are lost. Even for experienced couples, this position is a great go-to for old time’s sake. Moore Hall Missionary is underrated.
4.) Commuter’s Choice:
If you’re looking for subtlety, especially in a car, then Commuter’s Choice is the most. If executed properly, no one will be able to see the “bestowing” party.
3.) The Dine-n-Dash:
This position is meant to convey a scenario in which two people are eating at Crown or SoVi, do it in the bathroom, then come back. Thus, bathroom stall walls must be utilized, and minimal clothing must be removed.
2.) The Fretwell Fuck:
Just as the Fretwell building is home to multiple fields, this position accommodates multiple tastes. Why not be simultaneously on and off the bed? Why not be both on top and on the bottom?
1.) The Off-Campus Operation:
This position is for any students who have just moved off campus, for now they don’t have to worry about roommates or being too loud. Why not be as loud and obscene as you can?
With these 10 positions, you sex life will never go dry. For a bigger thrill, attempt all 10 in 10 consecutive days- a feat yet to be conquered. Now go out and make the world your bitch, Niner Nation.
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