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5 Reasons Haggett Hall Needs to Be Torn Down Immediately

After spring quarter finishes, one of Haggett Hall will be demolitioned as part of an effort to bring in new dorms on campus. And you know what? We’re stoked. Haggett Hall should’ve been destroyed years ago, and before you decide to argue for your hexagonal rooms, here’s why we’re happy it’s going down.

5.) In 1997, Haggett Hall residents held a kegger…full of root beer:


This is flat-out disgusting. Don’t drink (or do), that’s your prerogative. But root beer? Have you had more than two root beers in one sitting? Not only would the sugar rush be detrimental about 45 minutes down the line, but Haggett residents became the poster children for the causes of diabetes. No thanks, we’ll take our beer without the root. 

4.) Just look at the shape of that room:


Really, was this the basis for the floor plan of Hagrid’s Hut? Just imagining being in these rooms gives us PTSD of a time where we’d lock eyes with our roommate across the room in the middle of the night. Walk-in closets we’re a perk, but c’mon — we can fit all of our free orientation t-shirts under our beds, thank you very much. TEAR IT DOWN, TEAR IT DOWN! 

Hey! We’re looking for a Marketing Captain for some easy marketing events on campus. You’d do 1-2 events per week, each one takes a couple hours and you get paid $100 per event. If you can’t do it but have a friend who CAN, you’ll get $100 just for referring them! Click the image to apply!

3.) We asked a sex question at an “Ask the Sexperts” event in Haggett Cascades and someone laughed at us:

They said there were no stupid questions, but when you ask “What’s the benefits of eating ass?” you get laughed at? And the day after Valentine’s Day, too? Talk Haggett, its hall, its cascades and that one douche–who, by the way, had a pretty nasally laugh–can’t come down soon enough. 

 

2.) Look at all that goddamn red…oh, lordy, we’re gonna get an earthquake soon:


That blue? That’s Haggett. That red? That’s fault lines and earthquake-prone areas. And a building that sometimes looks like it’s crumbling from the foundation deserves to be taken down before San Andreas happens for real and The Rock has to save us all.

1.) We downloaded a 2002 menu from Rick’s Cafe, and it gave our computer a virus:

As described, the “student run hangout on the Plaza level of the North Tower of Haggett Hall,” Rick’s 2000’s era website gave us a goddamn virus. OK, in all honesty, we’ll be a bit sad to see Rick’s go (don’t worry, it’s being relocated), but the GIFs on their website are, like, way ahead of their time (). And, with that relocation, maybe they can get a more updated website?

 

 

 

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