5 Hidden Activities Taking Place Behind the Monroe Park Wall

author-pic at Virginia Commonwealth University  

The City of Richmond has recently began a series of renovations on Monroe Park, blocking it off to the public for the time being. While the walls are up, several secret projects have been established within the park grounds. Here’s an inside scoop into what’s going on within the exclusive enclosure.

5.) Keeping An Eye on The Tree:
It’s highly suspected that the main reason for renovating the park is simply to quarantine and keep an eye on the irregular tree that’s started growing. Its branches are all moving around and clawing at its trunk, and its leaves are changing color incredibly rapidly. Furthermore, it has a hole near it’s top that is expelling mysterious eggs and human feces. It’s best to keep it separated from the public until construction doctors can find some way to either cure its illness or destroy it.

4.) Giving the Mayor of Richmond a Bath in the Fountain:
Richmond mayor Dwight C. Jones has not yet taken a bath since being elected to office in 2009, due to now being much too powerful and fancy for a regular washtub. Now our mayor finally has an opportunity to take a bath in a tub suited for his office. The pride of a washed mayor is something very few cities ever achieve, due to the logistical challenges in reserving a proper tub. Furthermore, many mayors do not like the water and need to be disciplined very sternly in order to set foot in the bath.

3.) Measuring the Angles on the Checkers Building:
Some of the more anxious construction workers have been measuring all the angles on the Checkers Building every 10 minutes to make sure they have not changed. It seems impossible that they would, but if they did, what would that mean? Most likely nothing good.

2.) Taunting the Less Fortunate:
The City of Richmond has mandated that all Monroe Park construction workers make a big deal of how much they’re enjoying being in the park in front of nearby displaced homeless people. When the homeless pass by, workers will say things like “Wow, it’s so cool on here!” and “Aw, gee, it’s too bad you can’t come in here.” They are also instructed to make a big show out of relaxing and making loud, satisfied sighs.

1.) Digging a Big Hole:
Many of the construction workers are digging a big hole and throwing things in it due to being bored. There’s really nothing to do. How do you renovate a park? Clean it up a little? Plant some grass? After you’ve done that, you start to run out of ideas. So they’ve just been throwing their helmets and power tools into that deep hole, and some pretty cool noises have been echoing out of it as a result.

Now you have an inside look into what’s going on behind those mysterious walls. Hopefully, some or all of these activities will be open to public upon the park’s reopening, but no information has been released on that so far.