The Top 5 Requirements for Dating a VCU Student

author-pic at VCU  

Sex with and dating a VCU student are kind of uniquely interwoven muddle of nonsense. VCU students are often known for being sweaty, lonely, and horny, yet, despite their childlike awkwardness, students at VCU often believe they have Oscar-worthy genitalia, and the standards to date said students are often set to psychotic levels of, “Please shut the fuck up!”

We know dating and listening to a 20-year-old’s annoyingness can be a somewhat daunting task, but VCU students are pretty hot, so, you know, there’s that. We here at The Black Sheep have decided to list some of the mandatory requirements of dating a VCU student:

5). Swipes:
Having an obscene amount of meal swipes is the boldest Alpha player move one could use. Swipes at VCU are the sexist thing to exist since 2 Girls 1 Cup. We mean, free food! Except for the people who love money and also those people that work hard and tirelessly to make, manufacture, and serve food, who doesn’t love free food? So, open up your heart and your legs to let the love of swipes fill you with actual love.

4). Have a “Cause”:
By having a cause, we mean having an agenda to help make you a better person–or at least make you look like a better person. VCU is big on being “woke.” Go online, read up on some horrendous shit happening in the world, join a club speaking up about it, then go stand in The Compass and scream in everyone‘s ear about your cause. The confidence you project by all that newfound wokeness will surely attract the mate of your dreams.

3). Pursue a “Woke” Degree:
If you’re not getting a degree in something along the lines of “the plight of Antarctic civilization from the perspective of Marty McFly from Back to the Future,” what the hell are you doing at VCU anyways? Scratching your balls all day?! Honestly, what?!

2). Pretend You Know What the Hell You’re Doing with Your Life:
Nothing can seem more attractive than having something that everyone else can’t have, right? So just pretend like you sincerely know what you’re doing with you’re life while you’re in college, and people will flock to you. Any VCU student that gets lots of play will know this is a crucial requirement of keeping up your aura of sexiness. You’re like the distinguished old person, but without all the those cute cancerous freckles.

1).  Be Yourself:
HA. Just kidding. You probably suck. But we bet you suck in that way that is somewhat charming, slightly funny, and just barely tolerable. We hope. So put yourself out there!

Students at VCU are certainly of a particular breed,  so our list of requirements is specific. But like we said, we’re pretty hot so it’s worth it.

Our podcast is hot. Listen to it.