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7 Ways of Pretending to be Interested in VCU Clubs for Free Stuff

Trying to avoid the pang of guilt while a guy in a sponsored visor watches you fill up on teriyaki chicken you have no intention of buying is a familiar feeling to most of us, and at the beginning of semester, VCU’s campus is your food court. Feigning interest in the Activities Programming Board for that beautiful free water bottle you’ll never use, all while not hurting anyone’s feelings, is a subtle art, and we’ve given you a few steps for working around those awkward encounters on VCU’s campus:

7.) Smile and Nod Politely For a Few Minutes:
While a club leader is explaining the benefits of joining the APB, try not to look directly at the free stuff. Yes, even that laptop sticker. Focus on what they’re saying, and smile as though you are interested.

6.) Write Your VCU Email on That Sign-up Sheet:
Sure, you’ve gotten through the easy part, but there are still feelings that could be hurt, and you would literally rather die than be outed as an imposter, so put your email down. That’ll make things a little more legit, and it won’t look like you’re just there for that plastic cup you heard turns blue when it’s cold. Woah, that’s cool.

5.) Attend Your First Meeting:
To some, signing up with your email would have been enough, but if you’re going to convince absolutely anyone of your interest in this club, you’ve got to commit. Endure the excruciating ice breaker portion of the meeting until you get to the juicy stuff i.e. “responsibilities.”

4.) Host a Club-Sponsored Event:
At this point, you might be getting ahead of yourself, but if you’re truly committed to this scam, going to the APB mixer in the Richmond Salons shouldn’t be so hard. Really going the extra mile to make sure nobody gets hurt is crucial.

3.) Get the Word Out:
Oh man, you’re kinda in really deep at this point. You’ve gotten this far though and making a couple APB posts in class Facebook pages isn’t necessarily too much effort, is it?

2.) Set Up Your Table at the SOVO Fair:
How did you end up here? Whatever. You’re in the Siegel Center, it’s just kind of time to try to accept that now, you’re in this to win it. Now that you know all the responsibilities and perks of being in the APB, you can let some bright-eyed freshmen know how they can get involved.

1.) Find a Rightful Heir to Preserve the Honor of the APB:
Well, it’s senior year and graduation is around the corner — how time flies! As an active member of the APB, it’s time to find a rightful heir to your incredibly misguided throne. Before you fade into nothingness, you can make sure there’s someone who can replace you as head of the board. And now you have your water bottle, sticker, and cool cup to show for it.


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