As warm weather inspires students to make themselves visible on campus after the harsh, horrid and unending winter, people have become more inclined to walk their dogs on campus. This phenomenon has added to the increasing number of Good Boys (and Good Girls, we’re inclusive here) on campus. These canine companions are not only fluffy and full of treats, but they also have many opinions about VCU. The Black Sheep has sent out our top Good Boy Speech Interpreter to gather these dog thoughts for the benefit of the students and faculty.
Grass outside Cabell, 11/10 — A very good time:
According to these dogs, Cabell itself is like a really big glass box with many humans inside where they do human stuff like “work” and “study.” These concepts are foreign to dog as they understand only the most important concept: play. “When my owner throws The Ball and I go to catch it, it just feels so good,” one particularly soft doggo had to say. “It’s like when my owner goes to Sullivan’s on the weekends and she gets super silly when she comes home and I get many pets.”
Campus diversity, 9.9/10 — Many humans:
The multitude of walks of human life on campus is an absolute banger of a time for campus puppers. Most dogs are so overwhelmed by the different people to sniff and wag their tail at. On occasion, they will receive pets and scratches from these strange humans, but only with permission from the owners. The doggos tell us that the humans get almost as excited as they do when they pet them. A good feeling.
President Rao — No:
A bad man. Stinky. Shoes are too shiny. Some dogs on campus have been trained to know exactly who he is and how he will find new ways to restrict treats from them. While his gaze may hypnotize you into thinking he’s human, the dogs know exactly what he is.
Shafer Leftovers — Stinky:
Dogs do not like Shafer, and dogs usually like everything. Giving your dog any food you get from Shafer is probably some form of animal abuse. You already know it’s not safe for human consumption. Why would you give that to your dog? “It smelled almost like food when I gave it the sniff, but when I put it in my mouth I knew it was bad,” a large dog walking off leash said. The owner was afterward chastised for bad behavior and locked in his kennel.
Places to poop — Incredible:
If dogs have anything to teach humans, it’s that you don’t really have to follow society’s rules. You really can just poop anywhere, like here. Most of you may think that you need a toilet to poop in, but the dogs beg to differ. Particularly malicious dogs like to leave their feces on the sidewalks for you to step in, and more malicious owners “forget” to pick up after them. Walk onto your local VCU street and you will find a fresh pile to plant your feet in.