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‘Traumatized’ Drone Speaks Out After Flight Over VCU

Over reading days this fall semester, the VCU Life Sciences Department had a drone “conduct an unmanned aircraft system mapping flight over parts of VCU’s Monroe Park Campus.” After traveling across campus as part of a ten-hour journey, VCU’s little-drone-that-could became VCU’s little-drone-that-will-never-again.

“We cannot confirm nor deny any information as to the emotional stability of our drone at this moment, although we can say he’s been in his room marathoning all of Sabrina The Teenage Witch,” said a spokesperson for the VCU Life Sciences Department.

Mr. Drone, dressed in a day old robe with a Hot Pocket stain on it, explains that he could never have prepared for his big day out at VCU.

“When I got started, I thought to myself that this might be the most exciting day of my life but, my God, I had no idea the things I would see,” Drone said, as he lit up a cigarette.

As a single beam of light dramatically illuminated the room through shuttered blinds, Drone went on to tell his story.

“First off, the cat-calling I received was ridiculous,” Drone said. “I was catcalled by a man wearing an eyepatch! And, the amount of humans in the street I witnessed publicly urinating in broad daylight will always rattle me to my very core.”

Despite witnessing countless atrocities within minutes of his first flight, the expedition was not entirely bad it seemed.

“I did briefly make friends with some local pigeons, but we had a falling out pretty quickly after they started trying to get me to smoke cigarettes with them and inviting me to their house shows.”

When asked if the drone flight provided helpful data despite being in the wake of trauma inducing actions, the VCU Life Sciences Department was happily able to confirm that they did gain valuable information.

“I’m glad that I was able to serve for my university, I am,” Drone said. “But at the end of the day, when I hear those pigeons in the cloudy night sky, I lie awake and I think to myself “‘At what cost?'” 

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