Finals are approaching, and in the final stretch to work on repairing your war torn GPA, there remains only one option: You have to have sex with your teaching assistant. Fortunately, The Black Sheep is here to give your our top five ways to seduce your TA and save your GPA.
5.) Get Rodney to do a date proposal for you:
Rodney the Ram is a beloved animal that everyone in Richmond can easily recognize. He’s ten times more famous than the local Richmond bands you listen to, so he’s guaranteed to score a win with your TA. To summon Rodney, all one must do is sing the chant they teach you at freshmen orientation backwards and sacrifice a swipe. Give Rodney a bouquet of balloons and a sign that says “Ram me.” He will track down your TA and force them into submission.
4.) Flirt with them during class:
Ignore the fact that you’re flat out sexually harassing a person and subtlety tell your teaching assistant that you want to bang them harder than your last exam. It’ll make for a fun, lighthearted joke in the struggling times of despair that result from finals season. It’ll also make your classmates more uncomfortable than the pubic lice they received from a Hibbs bathroom.
3.) Email them your tasteful VCU nudes:
The sexiest thing you can do to turn on any suffering grad student is to don your free VCU T-shirt you received at a VCU basketball game, and nothing else. Even better, wear that Ram mask they sell at the bookstore, load up your camera and begin your photoshoot. When they open their email, not only will you get reported to Title IX, but they’ll see just how “horny” being (and staying) a Ram makes you.
2.) Graffiti subtle hints on the Compass:
Grab the least expensive can of spray paint you can hardly afford at Plaza and write love notes on the Compass for everyone to read. “Can you raise my D?” is one message that will surely be the talk of the campus for about ten minutes after it’s been uploaded to Snapchat with the Go Rams filter. It’ll also cause your TA to sweat with either anxiety or the steamy feel of seduction they get from your insistent inappropriate requests.
1.) Catcall them from the alley behind 7-11 on Grace:
Fellas, let’s be real. The only way to get somebody’s attention is to yell at them from the dark alley behind Old Dominion Place where dying old people are trying to get their finals moments of sleep. Your teaching assistant could be one of those humans walking down the street trying to get home one night. You could be the one shouting for them to curve your grade like your malformed dick. What could go wrong?
Know anyone at one of these schools?
UNC-Wilmington –$100 BOUNTY
University of Arizona — $300 BOUNTY!
Texas A&M Corpus Christi — $100 bounty!
Auburn — $100 bounty!
Penn State — $100 bounty!
Indiana — $100 bounty!
SUNY Oswego — $100 bounty!
Refer a friend for a marketing job, get $$$$ if they’re hired!
DM our twitter and we’ll take it from there!