10 Ways to Win Over Your Virginia Tech Professor

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Life is always easier when your professor likes you. It can be the difference between a B+ or an A, an extension on a paper, or even a letter of recommendation. Keeping those things in mind, here are some ways you get in your professors good graces.

10.) Compliment them on their kids, dog, significant other, hobbies etc:
People like people who don’t make them feel like losers, so pile on those compliments. If their kid hits a home run in his little league game, tell them that their kid’s the next Mark McGwire. Say that you too enjoy birdwatching and going to the opera, or whatever it is that makes them tick. Just make sure to do your research (Facebook stalking) first.

9.) Get the Hokie Plague and tell your professor you skipped all of your other classes, but not theirs:
Professors like students who are interested in their class. Inflate their egos by coming to class after being inflicted by the Hokie Plague. Make sure you smile with your full being and let them see that you’re dying inside, and then tell them how you just couldn’t miss their class. They’ll love you.

8.)Buy them a whole pizza from Benny’s:
People like pizza. Professors are people. A very easy way into your professor’s heart is to buy  them a whole pizza from Benny’s. For the best results, you should order one before going to class. Don’t give them pizza you ordered while shit faced the night before and decided not to eat.

7.) Make a short film on the syllabus:
Professors hate when students don’t read the syllabus. Show them your deep knowledge of the document with an artsy short film that incorporates things like due dates, attendance policies, etc. If you need any inspiration, head over to the Moss Arts Center and get those creative juices flowing to your head.

6.) Answer all their questions by yelling out “H-O-K-I-E-S…HOKIES”:
School spirit is important. How else is the administration going to get us to voluntarily give money to them after we leave? So raise your hand, and let your professor know your undying love for your school by disregarding the fact that there is a 99% chance the above quote is not the right answer to their question.

5.) Go to their office hours:
There’s nothing particularly special or noteworthy about this one, but it works well (as long as you don’t stare at them for two minutes and then leave).

4.) Go to Mish Mish and paint a portrait of them:
Let your professor know that you’re full attention is on them every class by getting some arts supplies and painting a full portrait of them. Place it in front of their office with a note of things they often say in class.

3.) Tell them you want to move your class to McBryde: 
Teachers love McBryde in a sadistic sort of way. They know there’s only so many things to be distracted by and that the seats are too uncomfortable for you to fall asleep in. Tell your teacher you want to move class to McBryde and watch as they start cackling. 

2.) Tell them your great Aunt from [enter small to medium sized foreign country here] died and you had to turn up instead of HW:
Sometimes you can forget to do your HW, but admitting that can make you look bad. Instead, tell your professor you’re dealing with the death of a family member from another country. Insist that the traditions of that country made you go do a rail at TOTs, instead of your HW.

1.) Tell them that they should TOTALLY have tenure by now:
The teaching game is rough y’all. There are a lot of professors who are patiently waiting for that notice of tenure. Tell these kinds of professors that they’ll get tenure, despite the lowering levels of public funding directed towards higher education. You can then try to relate by bringing up the time you had to wait in a particularly long Qdoba line, but you persisted and finally got the burrito bowl you so desperately needed. Your relatable story will surely touch them and help them in their journey.

Just follow these suggestions and you’ll surely be on your way to an A!