In a rather surprising move, Qdoba has decided to reward freshman Sammie Heart for being a total klutz. Representatives from the chain jumped up from behind a row of bushes to congratulate the teary-eyed English major as she dropped her burrito bowl within seconds of leaving Turner.
Sammie was almost faced with the reality of having to make sense of 18th century English literature on an empty stomach, but luckily for her, she isn’t the only person to drop their Qdoba outside of Turner. Sammie’s mishap was the 1,000,000th such instance this year, and the 430,089,769th incident since Qdoba first started serving Tech students in 2012.
“We are all relieved and, honestly, a little surprised it didn’t happen earlier,” stated a 2015 Tech grad who was hired to help Qdoba reach the milestone. “We’ve tried using to go tops that are too big, ‘dropped’ banana peels, and encouraged students to berate other students with club information outside of Turner in an attempt to make students drop their ‘Doba.”
The plan manifested on accident, after some upper management employees heard a few student workers joking about all the people they’d seen drop Qdoba bowls. What was once an inside joke become a company-wide project.
Heart was rewarded with a piece of paper that had the iconic “You’re killing me, Smalls” quote from the beloved 1993 family film The Sandlot written on it, and a voucher for one free burrito bowl. An ecstatic Heart chose to immediately get back in line for another burrito bowl.
Upon receiving her long-awaited order, she walked to her car and, preoccupied by her attempt to not drop her bowl, slipped on a stray tortilla chip and wound up in a coma in Roanoke Hospital. The health of her Qdoba bowl is currently unknown.
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