15 Things to Get Your Grubby Hands on Before You Leave

author-pic at Virginia Tech  

You’ve done it. You’ve dragged your GPA through the mud and dirt and got the life beat out of it by this semester –but you survived. You’ve survived to see the bright doorway to summer break right in front of you. Just reach out and –wait, grab that decorative plant from the lounge before you leave. What? You’ll need a souvenir to remind you of how hard you worked this semester. Plus, we’re pretty sure your tuition covers it. So go ahead and take:

15.) The Roll of Two-Ply From McBryde:
You might have a long drive home, not every gas station packs tissue worthy of your bum.

14.) That Bike That’s Just Kind of Chilling There:
And it’s been there for months. Chances are, the owner didn’t really care for the bike enough to put a decent lock on it.

13.) That Overly Friendly Campus Squirrel:
You’ve been feeding it French fries all semester to work up to this moment. Reach out and grab him, you’ll miss him when you’re gone.

12.) An Entire Pie (or Two) from D2:
Come on, they basically put them on display and then walk away. Your family would love the welcome home treat you brought them.

11.) Every Single Ball from the Pool Tables in the BreakZone:
Why? Because what else are you going to leave as your legacy?

10.) The “I’d rather sink than call Brad for help!” Poster in Torgersen:
Everyone has related to that poster at least once in their lives. Plus, Brad is such a dick.

9.) A Sand Bag from English Field:
You never know when you’re going to be needing a giant bag of sand. Do it for your aesthetic.

8.) One of Parking Service’s Little Orange Trucks:
Because you’re a spiteful little being and pay back’s a bitch.

7.) As Many Cups as You Can Carry from the Math Emporium:
We’re gonna need you to put your cup down… into this nonchalantly giant duffle bag. They’ll save you a trip or two to Kroger.

6.) Plants:
Big plants, small plants, fake plants, real plants. They’re all over the place: Squires, Newman, The Inn; no one will think anything of you dragging a leafy plant taller than yourself across campus.

5.) The Boats at the Duck Pond:
Why are there boats at the duck pond? How did they get there? And will anybody see you wheeling one out to your mom’s van? Probably not, do it anyway!

4.) Your Professor’s Grade Books:
Let’s be honest here, you barely passed this semester. You know where your professors’ offices are, and you know their office hours. Therefore, you probably know when they won’t be in their offices. Go by for a surprise visit and cop those grade books!

3.) A Service Dog:
Its service is up! Now it can be your lil’ pupper in your new adult life.

2.) A Hokie Dairy Cow:
You’ve been accustomed that D2 milk and now you need your own VT cow to make fresh choccy milk.

1.) A Slab of Hokie Stone:
Take a chainsaw and grind away that stone! You need it for your new apartment!

Anything that isn’t on a string or attached to the ground is totally up for grabs. So go ahead, see what you can snatch up and take home as a trophy of this shitty semester –you deserve it.