Under our lord and savior, Frank Beamer, Vick led the Hokies to several other victories Tech had not seen in a while- like beating Syracuse at the Carrier Dome in 2000. But then of course he had that whole side hustle of using his “mad” math skills (learnt right here in this academically excellent public land grant facility) to bet on an illegal dog fighting ring operation that *spoiler alert* landed his ass in prison for nearly 2 years. And if you haven’t heard, this joker is to be inducted into the Virginia Tech Sports Hall of Fame- *record scratch freeze frame Tim the Toolman Taylor say “whaaaaaaat?”* People are pissed, with very, very good reason to be. So we’ve composed a list of better places to hang a portrait of Mikey Vee instead of the hall of fame:
5.) Hall of He Didn’t Even Graduate:
Which is, like, totally a requirement for being inducted into the hall of fame, is it not? Meaning Michael Vick is way more qualified for the Hall of Non-graduates than the Hall of Graduates- no shade to all of you non-graduates, y’all are killing it out there in the real world. No pun intended.
4.) Hall of People You Probably Shouldn’t Have Dog Sit For You:
Just in case he might relapse and you come home to find your yorkie-poo in cahoots with the neighbor’s chiweenie- we suggest checking Craigslist, or Angie’s List before hiring a Michael Vick-list.
3.) Hall of Professionalism Of Sports:
Or as we like to call it “POS”. Vick is definitely a “POS”- a professional of sports or whatever.
2.) Hall of Poster Children for Breitbart News:
Breitbart seems to be one of the few excited about Vick’s new gig as an NFL analyst- and Trump’s presidency- and other things that neurotypical human beings find not normal.
1.)Stall of D2 Bathroom:
It’s like how eateries like having pictures of giant tomatoes and peppers and other various foods hanging on the walls of their restaurants, Tech just likes to have portraits of POSs in their bathrooms.
We are no experts on who should be inducted into the hall of fame or not, we just know that those inducted have to showcase a skill and talent like no other- which is why we are nominating someone else to take Vick’s place in the Virginia Tech Sports Hall of Fame. This someone continues to prove that he is a good boy- he also meets all qualifications and is loved by all; and that someone is Growley II, the cadet ambassadog: