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6 Ways to Blow Off Your Dining Services Shift to Watch Jersey Shore Re-runs

Since the weather has finally decided to sober up, the outdoors is where you want to be— which is why you’re probably looking for any excuse to get out of serving hungry Hokies for 8 hours. We’ve decided to share some of our favorite excuses to get out of your shift at whichever shitty campus job you’re stuck in, so that you can just chill in bed with 8 pounds of chicken nuggets and a Netflix queue full of shitty reality TV. Here’s what you can tell your boss:

7.) You made a generous donation as your senior gift to the university:
Which has left you with no money left for: gas to get to your shift on time; new non-slip safety shoes that are required by management because you’ve worn literal holes through your last pair; food and anything else essential to your survival which is why you’re afraid you might pass out at the registers.

6.) You lost your Hokie P:
And you have since run into an identity crisis. What even is your name? What is your PID? You can’t clock in without the twelve-thousand numbers on your I.D.! How are customers supposed to know how to address you when you mess up their orders?

5.) You’re busy writing a strongly worded email to Blacksburg Town Council:
Because the 4 o’clock Blacksburg traffic that continues to get worse every year has caused you a horrendous migraine and slight hemorrhaging in your brain. This has left you shook and unfit for any workplace. You need the afternoon off— and maybe all day tomorrow too.

4.) You had an exam at the Math Empo:
It was three months ago and you still haven’t emotionally recovered. Your nightmares now consist of clicking multiple choice answers that you don’t have the answers for. The only noise is the quiet sobs of the girl sitting across the table from you. You’re only shocked back into consciousness every morning when someone whispers “please put your cup down”.

3.) You stepped in dog doo:
As you were walking across the Drillfield. You’re hoping it was Tank the cadet dog and not one of those mangey excuses they call service dogs in training— but then again it doesn’t really matter, it’s still dog doo and it’s all over you and you can’t come into work today and that’s final.

2.) You accidentally ate your roommates pot brownie:
She just left a whole plate on the counter, you were totally not expecting this. The walls are moving and you can’t see straight. This is a very normal thing that happens to people everyday, your boss will understand.

1.) All of your work clothes have been ruined:
Well, kind of. See, you had taken your clothes to the laundry room the day before, and last night when you returned to put them in a dryer, you found that a Pritchard Prick had piled them into a sopping heap in a corner instead of being a helpful Hokie and leaving them in the washer for you. There’s just no way you can dry them all before your shift this afternoon.

We hope these excuses can get you out of at least one shift on campus. Or, you know, you could be a decent person and show up to your shift on time and stop harassing your coworkers to pick it up for you.

 

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