Frank Beamer was recently inducted into the College Football Hall of Fame because he’s good at coaching and what not. “Beamer Ball,” with its focus on defensive tenacity and top-flight special teams play, allowed for him to make Virginia Tech a perennial powerhouse. But football is not the only thing that Frank is good at. Here are seven other Hall of Fames that Beamer should also be in.
7.) The Dog Walking Hall of Fame:
Frank’s beagle, Hank, seems to be in good hands. Beamer neither walks too fast nor too slow for his friend. Plus, he always allows people to pet Hank AND he picks up after his dog. It only takes one instance of stepping into a questionable substance when walking across the Drillfield to see how important the second part of the previous sentence is.
6.) The 1000-yard Stare Hall of Fame:
Look at how Beamer completely acts like there isn’t a bawling child right next to him. There is no shaking this man when he’s set his mind to something. He’s probably thinking of something deep, like how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie pop. Good for him.
5.) The Dance, Dance Revolution Hall of Fame:
Bet you didn’t know that Beamer could drop it like it’s hot. He is a master of many different dance styles, including the flamenco, the Spanish waltz, and every dance move popularized by rap between the years of 2011-14. Additionally, he can do the Cupid shuffle backwards, so you know he would be an absolute hoot at weddings.
4.) The Should Have Been an Actor Hall of Fame:
Beamer, not completely satisfied in just being known as college football coach, has dabbled in TV commercials now and then to show that he could have been as famous as Robert De Niro if he wanted to. The acting chops he displays in these commercials are so amazing that one must wonder if he’s been coached. Though it may seem that way, we believe that Beamer is just a natural who may have chosen the wrong career path.
3.) The Jumpman Hall of Fame:
In joining this, Beamer would be placed beside greats such as Buggs Bunny and selfish four-year olds who think only of themselves and throw big tantrums because they aren’t very reasonable. Due to years of practicing jumping up and down before gamedays, Beamer’s form is impeccable and his calves are toner than they have any reason in being.
2.) The Golden (but Still Out of Touch) Oldie Hall of Fame:
You didn’t think that Beamer used slang? As if! My homies, Beamer is down with the times, man. He’s the man, foshizzle. The man keeps it totes crunk. He gotta keep it fresh to death to let his recruits know that him and his peeps are relatable and chill. For real.
1.) The Cult-Figure Hall of Fame:
Beamer played a big part in making Virginia Tech into the nationally known university it’s known as today. If you don’t believe us, go ask your friend’s parents who went to Tech how it was when they were here… we’ll wait. Beamer is so important to the community that he’s been built up as a sacred figure who is flawless and highly revered. We are surprised that we don’t have to do some sort of ritual every morning or pay tithes to Beamer (even though we sort of do! *Cough* *Cough* athletic fees).
As you can see, Frank Beamer is an individual of many strengths and talents. This list doesn’t even begin to get at everything he does well, but we hope that it makes you realize that Beamer is cooler than you’ll ever be.
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