If the Pilgrims were all Hokies, our history books would have told a different story than what they tell today. They would have dressed, spoken, and carried themselves differently in ways that would make us current Hokies proud. And above all else, our Hokie ancestors would have done just about anything before eating their fellow turkeys on Thanksgiving. So if Hokies had arrived on the Mayflower to the New World, what would they have really brought along with them? We have some ideas:
7.) “On Our Way To See The Hokies Play” Boat Sign:
If Hokies are anything, they’re a spirited bunch. No one has more pride for themselves than us, not even the Kardashians, and the greatest way to emphasize that is to stick one of these signs on our modes of transportation. Since the Pilgrim Hokies traveled by boat, it would only make sense to see one of these babies flying proudly on the side.
6.) Good Looks:
Traditional Pilgrims wore buckled hats and matching belts in black and white. The Hokie Pilgrims, on the other hand, would have worn maroon and orange jerseys all day, every day. It should be illegal to look as good as we do in these colors.
5.) Lots of Jumping:
How else would we make our entrance to the shores of the New World without jumping to “Enter Sandman” on repeat? If we’re going to create a new colony from scratch, we might as well make one in style. We’d do it all—jumping jacks, jumping rope, pogo jumping—just to let the world know we’ve arrived.
4.) Campus Food:
It’s usually the biggest deciding factor for people who wisely choose to come to Tech. To have future Thanksgiving dinners based off some of the greatest campus food in the country would have made many lives so much easier. Plus, no more putting up with Aunt Sally’s dry turkey every year.
3.) The Drillfield Compact:
If the Pilgrims had to create a governing document for themselves as a colony, then so would the Hokie Pilgrims. This time, however, the rules of the colony would have a few changes scribbled in. For example, “Thou shall take part in Chicken Parm Day once a week” would be an obvious new requirement.
2.) Hokie Stone Beamer Statue:
Most living legends have statues and monuments created in their honor. So why not have one of Tech’s greatest living legends made into a statue from our very own Hokie stone? Plymouth Rock is shaking in its boots. The statue could be worshipped for years and Beamer would be a legend forever.
1.) Commonwealth Cup:
Hokies are honestly quite used to winning at this point, so much that the Commonwealth Cup is a basic staple in our lives. It would be an actual crime to not bring it with us everywhere. We’d drink out of it, store things inside, and even use it as our dinner centerpiece instead of a plain old cornucopia.
Hokies would have made the greatest Pilgrims with the strongest “leg-day” calves you could have ever hoped to see. It’s difficult to imagine how the Pilgrims even survived on their own without “What’s a Hokie? I Am!” t-shirts, and we can’t do anything about it now but feel sorry for them. They don’t know what they missed out on.
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