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7 Things We’re Predicting Will Happen at the Onesie Bar Crawl Tonight


If you haven’t heard the latest news on the street, there’s going to be a onesie bar crawl here in Downtown Blacksburg tonight. And whoever came up with this idea is a genius; it’s the greatest thing we’ve heard since the sound of North Carolina’s cries of defeat not too long ago. But it has to make you wonder—what exactly happens at a onesie bar crawl? Here are some of our *Tomi Lahren Voice* final thoughts:


7.) Stolen looks:
There are only so many places you can go get a onesie at the last minute, if you don’t already have one. You’re bound to run into someone who has the exact same panda onesie as you, even if it was obviously your idea first. As long as you make sure you wear it better, don’t sweat it too much.

6.) Wardrobe malfunctions:
It’s easy to trip over yourself and other people if you’re wearing your pajamas around. Be careful to not accidentally step on the tail of someone else’s unicorn onesie, or else you’re going to be asking for trouble. The last thing you need is to get beaten up while looking like a dinosaur from Dragon Tales.

5.) Clouded judgement:
Going off of our point from before about multiple people wearing the same onesie, make sure you’re paying attention to the new people you’re talking to throughout the evening. The person you were connecting with earlier in the night may not be the same one you see across the room at the end of it.

4.) Gradual numbness:
It’s going to be freezing cold outside, and wearing a onesie isn’t exactly the same thing as having a nice jacket wrapped around you. Do a few jumping jacks to get yourself warm and you should (hopefully) be alright.

3.) Butt-flap necessities:
Those who are quick to “break the seal” or ate too many spicy wings early on are definitely going to be the ones coming prepared with their butt-flapped onesies on. You have to give these guys credit for knowing themselves well enough to make sure that their bathroom emergencies won’t stand in the way of them having a good time.

2.) Halloween enthusiasts:
People who are still feeling down about Halloween being over, which is roughly 99% of the population, are going to be able to get back in touch with their spooky selves one last time. It’ll be like Halloweekend 2.0, so don’t be surprised if you witness the same type of insanity you saw on the 31. You’ve been warned.

1.) Confused underclassmen:
Obviously there are going to be underclassmen who are out of the loop because they’re still too young to take part in these activities. So if you see strangers giving you weird looks as they walk into Benny’s or Moe’s for the night, just keep in mind that they’re probably poor young souls who have much to learn about nightlife. They’ll understand soon enough.


If you actually decide to take part in this thing, be prepared for what you may see. Even with our ideas thrown in, you still might be in for a strange evening. But as long as you have your onesie prepped and ready to go, you should be all good.




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