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81 Different Construction Projects Announced for I-81 this Weekend


Travelers should expect major delays on I-81 due to the recent announcement of at least 81 different construction projects to be completed over the weekend. The Virginia Department of Transportation sent an alert via its website stating that all of these projects will begin on the same day, and that travelers should plan accordingly. Of these projects:


17 are considered important
25 are considered mildly important
35 are intended to be a nuisance in one-way or another
4 will “make driving more fun”


The majority of the work on I-81 will begin around Christiansburg and continues off and on up until the Front Royal exit. One major point of concern are road signs. Several focus groups were consulted, and they determined that the signs are very boring and lack emojis. This, they say, causes many people to pull out their phones instead of focusing on the tedious highway.


The announcement of these projects has caused many to express outrage over the prospect of delays, considering many students will be traveling this upcoming weekend for spring break. A transportation official was asked if there was a more efficient way of doing this. He smirked before responding, “yes, of course” and then proceeded to walk away from our reporters.


Junior Sara Nodyaheah was livid over the prospect of having to stay at school over the weekend. “This is bullshit”, she yelled, much louder than necessary, “This place is in the middle of nowhere. What the hell am I supposed to do here? Do some cow-tipping?” (it should be noted that Sara recently got a C on her calc midterm and has been quite melodramatic since then).


The project has also caused some on the VT carpool Facebook group to become desperate to find others to suffer the unavoidable delays with them. One post has a trip up to JMU/UVA at only $5, with refreshments and AUX cord privileges included. A number of people stated that the post was a trap and likened it to dealing with CANVAS.


Others are even considering…Route 11. 


When Tech officials were asked how they felt about the situation, they replied that they enjoy imagining students suffering even more construction off campus. In fact, they hope to have more projects begun by the time we return from spring break to continue the trend of making our treks hell. 


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