Battle of the Birds: Delaware’s YouDee vs. Virginia Tech’s HokieBird

author-pic and at Virginia Tech  

This upcoming weekend, the Delaware YouDee will be migrating South into the HokieBird’s territory to battle it out in Lane Stadium. Why are we playing each other? We have no idea. However, it turns out that we do have quite a few things in common. We’re both very into our research, putting Engineers on a pedestal, and have (let’s face it) birds for mascots. So for good ole’ cocky fun, The Black Sheep of Virginia Tech and University of Delaware decided to team up for a debate of who the biggest and baddest bird is. Is it the fightin’ Blue Hens or the fightin’ Gobblers? Will the YouDee go back to Delaware as a broody hen or perk its feathers in victory? Or will the HokieBird hold down his territory? Stay tuned to see what flock suffices this Saturday.

What’s a Hokie? We fucking are.The HokieBird, also known as the fightin’ Gobbler, is apart of the fiercest flock in all of the ACC. Not only can he shake his tail feather, but he can bench press more than the average bro and annually hosts the pardoned Thanksgiving turkey at his place. The HokieBird is like the cool, smooth dad that’s into heavy metal and can be frequently found jumpin’ to some Metallica. YouDee, on the other hand, is too busy rockin’ with his cock out to pay attention to poor Baby Blue. He will try to fight you in a bar at 3:00 a.m. and fall (a few inches) short.

The Hokie Turd is actually a fictitious character dreamt up by some Virginian guy who regularly sleeps with his first cousin, probably. YouDee, on the other hand, is a real fightin’ Blue Hen like the kind that you might see in one of those cock fighting videos on YouTube, so you know he/she is legit. YouDee is also androgynous, so we already know that this mascot is 1 and 0 for gender equality. Your move, Turd boy. Also, “we are?” Penn State much?

K. In reality, y’all are just a bunch of chickens, which are known for shitting everywhere. Just like your football season last year, eh? Seems like Coach Brock couldn’t control his cocks at that William and Mary game. Where were you, YouDee? The HokieBird is always there to keep his Hokies goin’ in times of distress. I mean, he’s a legendary figure with even a few children’s book written after him to back it up. Fierce, but loveable, while your baby blue feathers are far from intimidating and don’t exactly invoke a fierce cock fight.

PPPFFFFTTTT. At least a Blue Hen (a real bird) isn’t something that people normally eat. That’s right, Turd Feathers. We know your secret. We know that you originated from a turkey. You know what turkeys do? They get eaten, and/or drown themselves by accident by looking up with their beaks open when it rains. Google it, it’s a thing. Perhaps the Hokie inherited some of its ancestors’ capacity for intelligence? Let’s see who ends up on the dinner table this weekend. Spoiler alert: It won’t be a Blue Hen, because that’s absurd.

LOL. Well maybe Blue Hens don’t normally get eaten, but their children do. Yeah, we’re talking about their eggs. Thus, in the large brunch culture surrounding us millennials, you’re screwed. Your Blue Hen’s eggs are the perfect pre game meal, providing plenty of protein and sustainable energy for us to kick your ass any day, especially this Saturday. So perhaps, you should just stay home and follow in your ancestor’s ways in protecting your offspring and future Blue Hen’s reputation cuz’ it’s about to be mounted by the Hokies.

Yeah yeah, whatever. Catch YouDee and Baby Blue protecting this nest on Saturday, because no made up turkey is about to defeat us. It’s two against one, anyway. And by the way? No one gets to shit talk Baby Blue except for YouDee. ‘That you may serve’ this Blue and Gold fightin’ cock!

May the biggest and bad bird win.