Drillfield Beginning to Develop Male Pattern Baldness

author-pic at Virginia Tech  

“I’m balding, and I’m PROUD” said the Drillfield earlier this week. The Drillfield, at the age of 144, is experiencing what some would call early onset Male Pattern Baldness. The Drillfield assured the students and staff of Virginia Tech that it is confident in its looks, and won’t let the balding affect it’s self-confidence.

“Personally, I think the Drillfield is beautiful just the way it is,” said Richard Bun, a bald professor in the History department.

Though the Drillfield assures us that it is fully confident in its inner and outer beauty, it’s worried about the upcoming selfies and photos bound to be taken by the class of 2021. Consequently, the Drillfield has asked for new paths to be installed to distract from the trouble spots.

According to the Drillfield, the winter snow just won’t be enough to hide the baldness anymore. Students and faculty alike are coming together in support of the bravery of the Drillfield, offering both their condolences and their donations to help speed the process of the construction.

“I think it’s really brave of the Drillfield to be so open about this,” said junior Michael Stout, who started showing signs of male pattern baldness in the 8th grade.

Last semester, the paths were installed, and students voted on which they thought looked and felt best. However, since the construction of said paths is taking too long, the Drillfield is now asking for donations for one giant, Hokie-themed toupee.