A Final Farewell to the Beloved Scholar

author-pic at Virginia Tech  

Unless you have baked your brains into oblivion and now fall under the category of a “vegetable”, we all remember our first years here at Virginia Tech. We all remember wandering aimlessly in the burning heat around our mid-sized-my-ass campus listening for a banjo. We remember orientation and meeting super cool new best friends we’ll probably never see again and we all remember experiencing #dormlife for the first time. But there is a thumbprint smudge in the back of our brains, and that, dear Hokies, is our memories of using Scholar for the first time. We may not hold that memory near and dear to our hearts, but we can guarantee that Scholar landed a nice spot on your Bookmark tab. As of today, there are 169 days until Scholar is expunged from Virginia Tech’s systems and wiped from all of our memories. So here’s to you, Scholar.

 Here’s to the days of challenging your roommates at seeing how many times you can watch the Titanic in its full before your Sakai Gradebook would finally load. We salute those hours of our lives we’ll never get back browsing through the red tabs looking for that one specific class. Let us never forget those hours wasted organizing our “Preferences” to prevent drowning in that sea of red tabs only to screw it up again and again and again. Not to mention we never knew which PSCI class was the PSCI class we were looking for –Scholar taught its Hokies the true meaning of trial and error. And here’s to Drop Box, whom we never really figured out how to use, but became spontaneously religious when we did have to use it.

And when we finally figured out which side is Torgersen and which side is Newman, we still couldn’t figure out the difference between a “Message” and an “Announcement”. And when we eventually discovered if the syllabus was under “Syllabus” or under “Resources”, we could only pray it was uploaded as a PDF; if not, we knew we were in for a long semester. Did we ever use any of the help services? Probably not; mostly because we would actually need help in order to use “Help” and most of us wouldn’t even know when we needed it –much less care about it.

We may have never known what half of the links, buttons, tabs and doohickeys did on Scholar; we may never find out. But here’s to Scholar, the service linking a technology-forward generation to its less technology-forward professors.

Ever wonder why your b-hole stings after a night of boozing? Here’s your definitive guide to D.A.D.S.