As you begin to get comfortable for this holiday season, it may dawn on you to consider what it is exactly that you even want for Christmas this year. For most Hokies, the answer is obvious—another Chick-fil-A on campus.
Before you ask yourself why that’s necessary, ask a more important question: how many times have you dragged yourself to an early class, wanting nothing more than some chicken minis afterwards to reward your average-at-best attendance behavior, when you suddenly realize that you’re all the way across campus from Hokie Grill? By the time you would’ve gotten there, time would have struck 10:00 and all hopes of a chicken mini morning would have vanished. Unbelievable.
This nonsense is exactly why Virginia Tech is as desperate as a procrastinator with a spotty internet connection trying to turn in an assignment a minute before it’s due for just one more location for this popular eatery. If we can sneak in three separate Au Bon Pain locations without a problem, with two literally across the street from each other, then why should this seem any different.
We spoke to some particularly passionate Hokies about the subject to get their input. One student, who wished to remain anonymous but insisted to instead go by the name “Spicy Chicken King” had much to say about the issue.
“I always take my dates to Chick-fil-A, and for several reasons,” Chicken King said. “First of all, this shit is fantastic. Have you ever had their Polynesian Sauce? What do they even put in it? Whatever—it’s on the meal plan, which makes it feel like I’m spending fake money.”
Another student, James McJamie Jameson, is a freshman who finds that another Chick-fil-A could have the potential to solve all of his problems. “I live on campus, which means I have to study on campus because my dorm building is too noisy.” Another Chick-fil-A would give the students here like me more seating and dinner options for those long college nights. I doubt that Tech would want its students to suffer academically, so I hope they get the hint soon.
The Hokies have spoken and it is clear at last that what they need, more than anything, is place to “eat mor chikin” and thrive during future winter evenings. Santa, if you’re listening, this would be the time to have a talk with the university about paying attention to such a crucial issue. In the meantime, us Hokies will brace ourselves and cross our fingers in hopes of a change being made.
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