The Blacksburg community was properly shaken this week when two very different worlds collided in what will be known as the “greatest culture shock in Blacksburg history.”
A shopping cart from the Kroger at University Mall known as “Ghetto Kroger” was found on the property of the Kroger on South Main known as “Gucci Kroger”.
Unidentified pranksters of the ‘Burg are said to have been the ones who transported the shopping cart from Ghetto Kroger, located along University City Boulevard, to the parking lot of Gucci Kroger, located on South Main Street.
“I accidentally rolled the…other Kroger cart through the automatic sliding doors and parked it along with the ones that belong here,” said a Gucci Kroger employee who has asked to remain anonymous. “I swear I don’t know anything.” An insider has since informed The Black Sheep that this individual is no longer an employee at the Kroger franchises
For centuries, customers of Ghetto Kroger and Gucci Kroger have co-existed comfortably without acknowledging the presence of each other. But locals report that this all came to an end.
“I knew immediately where it came from, and it didn’t come from this parking lot,” Blacksburg local and long time Gucci Kroger patron Stephanie L. told The Black Sheep, “my box of La Croix just did not look right in it.”
Gucci Kroger goers were clearly rattled about the findings. Many asked why, some asked how and most just wanted the unsightly object off of Gucci Kroger property. Across town, Ghetto Kroger shoppers had an equally perplexed reaction
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“They think they’re too good for our shopping carts? It’s a shopping cart!” Ghetto Kroger customer Gerald R. explained, “It holds hummus and kale just as well as one of their carts do!”
Both sides have begun organizing quiet rallies around Tech’s campus, with slogans such as “Not My Cart”, “Ghetto is better”, and “Are We Sure This Isn’t Just Thinly Veiled Classism?”
Meanwhile, third party extracurricular clubs in support of social equality have organized their own campaigns with Kroger boycotts and rallies of their own, chanting “One Kroger, One Cart” and using the rally as an excuse to smoke bongs in public. Attendance for these rallies have been at a record breaking high for social movements on Tech, with a crowd total of 5 participants.
Town officials are still on the lookout for the culprit and expect to have the suspect in custody by the end of this week.
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