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Student Breaks Resolution to be Vegan by First Chicken Parm Day

The try-hards, the overachievers, the ones who put on chapstick before a lecture in preparation to kiss their professor’s ass, still trying to convince their friends that they’re actually going to stick to their New Year’s resolutions this time around.

McComas is going to be packed during peak hours, leaving all gym buffs to complain about it whenever they get the chance. The salad line at Leaf & Ladle is going to be longer than the line for JP’s at West End for a while, leaving more mashed potatoes for us lazy folk who still haven’t shed off our Freshmen 15 and don’t plan on it anytime soon. New year, new Hokies, right?

Trying to seem like you have your life put together as a college student is only achievable by that small percentage of people who don’t have to pretend like they’re surviving because they just somehow magically are. For the rest of us, it’s as difficult as trying to keep your cool when you see the Hokie Bird mascot casually walking around campus. Take Rachael Raybans, a current sophomore student, as an example.

We sat down with Raybans this week to interview her about how some resolutions may still be floating around in the air after coming back from break. Upon hearing this, her ears immediately grew red and her cheeks flushed.

“Actually,” she began, “I had a resolution myself that I managed to keep up with for a really long time! At least, over the break I could. Coming back to Tech made it harder.” When asked what this resolution could have been, she bowed her head in shame and murmured the words so quietly we almost didn’t catch them.

“Going vegan.”

Gasps. We couldn’t help ourselves. Going vegan while attending a university with some of the best campus food across the country is just unthinkable. The brave souls that attempt it are often found with single tears rolling down their cheeks as they ask Qdoba employees to give them extra veggies in their burrito bowls. It’s painful to watch.

We wanted to learn more. We prodded Rachael with more questions: Why did you want to go vegan in the first place? How long did it last in total? What caused you to break? And it was the answer to that last question that made us understand.

“Chicken. Parm. Day.”

That poor, poor girl. We can only imagine the reaction she had when she walked into Owens only to find the ridiculously long line emanating from Lotsa Pasta that would indicate what day it was. We can only think of the torment it caused her, catching her in a hungry moment of weakness.

We reassured her that it happens to the best of us and that most people would do the same thing she did. We’re all human at the end of the day. So if your resolutions aren’t working out for you, don’t freak out. Just eat your feelings in chicken parm and move on.

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