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VT Student Sells All Fingers to Afford Class Ring


Class of 2019’s ring was unveiled last week. The intricate details, such as the earthquake crack through Lane Stadium and the glorious image of a smiling Growley II, make the ring desirable by just about every junior at this university. The idea of having this ring as a symbol of one’s experience at Tech is something that carries much weight and plenty of meaning that will last for decades.


While most are pleased by everything that the class ring options can give them, there is an overwhelming issue that makes people hesitant about purchasing them: the prices. They range from $198 to $2,460 and make broke college student bank accounts cry all across Blacksburg. If you listen closely, you might be able to hear some of these sobs even if you’re Downtown. In fact, one student (who wishes to remain anonymous) went so far as to sell each and every one of his own fingers in order to afford one of these treasured rings.


“What inspired me to take action was the class motto: Memento Vivere,” the student claimed. “It means, ‘Remember to Live’ and reminded me that you only live once, which reminded me of Drake, who’s a prophet in his own right. How can you ignore the words of a prophet? The opportunity spoke for itself and I just went for it with no regrets.”


The student continued on to explain how he initially couldn’t afford the ring because he accidentally spent too much on buying new articles of clothing that sport the reinvented VT logo. He’d forgotten about Ring Premiere and was left in a panic about how to pay for a ring of his own, knowing that all of his frat bros would be purchasing them immediately and would call him various names synonymous with “wuss,” if he didn’t do the same.



When asked about how he plans on wearing the ring now that his fingers are gone, the student took a pause. “I’ll be honest, I didn’t think about that part,” he said, furrowing his brows. “I was a little too focused on buying the ring itself that I forgot about where it was supposed to be worn.”


We took this moment to leave him in his pondering state, unsure of how to proceed with this conversation. We didn’t want to be around to see him become increasingly frustrated over buying a ring that is worthless now, considering he is fingerless. Despite the strangeness of the situation, we felt sympathetic towards his desperation to buy a ring in the first place. In a way, this might just prove that he’s a true Hokie who has more school pride than we could ever hope for.


If you are in a similar situation, might we suggest selling something less necessary? Do you really need both kidneys? Perhaps you could do without your toes instead? The possibilities here are endless…





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