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Tech Uses Construction Projects as Ruse to Find Buzz Williams’ Hair

Virginia Tech may have ended its seven-game losing streak with its win over Notre Dame last Saturday and started a winning streak by beating BC last night, but head coach Buzz Williams still hasn’t found what he’s really searching for: his lost hair.

Last year President Sands announced his utopian plans for expanding campus, but the only construction we’ve seen so far has been on pre-existing buildings, but the reason behind this is not what you’d think:

“Williams thought his toupee might have blown over into the building near Shanks, one of the corps dormitories,” a source told The Black Sheep, “they tore it down, and when they hadn’t found it after a few weeks, he requested they check the old liberal arts building.”

Sources have confidently confirmed that the basketball coach has been ordering construction companies to tear down any buildings he might have lost his toupee in as an attempt to recover his prized possession. Williams has also requested that university authorities use a cover-up story that suggests the construction is part of a restoration program for Tech’s oldest buildings.

Along with Thomas Hall and the liberal arts building, Williams has encouraged the construction in front of Robeson Hall and the renovations to Rector Field House and the surrounding baseball and tennis facilities. When asked if there are any further buildings that will lay victim to Williams’ search, Virginia Tech authorities could only answer with, “That is hard to say.”

Williams has also expressed his desire to reach out to the Virginia Tech community and ask that in the event that they find or have found an unattended toupee, to please contact the Virginia Tech athletic department.

“I have seen the things the Tech community is capable of, and I have no doubt in my mind that if we all banned together, that we will find my hair,” commented Williams.

 

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