Welcome back Hokies. The temperature, just like your bank account balance and cumulative GPA, are a hell of a lot lower. The classes are different and you can no longer use the excuse that you’re “still adjusting to college” when talking about your not-so-hot grades. Sororities and fraternities conduct spring rush, so make sure you prepare yourself for seeing an influx of comfort-colored t-shirts, bean boots, and Instagram pictures with the #throwwhatyouknow caption. You might be panicking and unsure of how to handle this change, but never fear, we here at The Black Sheep have already compiled you a friendly little list of what to do and what not to do this spring.
Don’t: Be the guy that realized that cargo shorts are for 55-year-old dads in New Balances, who buys every color of Chubbies and chino shorts with his Christmas money. And don’t then proceed to wear them as soon as you get back to school. You’ll freeze, you’ll get weird looks, and it won’t be a fun time for anyone involved.
Do: Dress weather appropriately. It’s cold as shit in Blacksburg (in case you didn’t realize) and yeah you might look like the Michelin man walking to class in your down coat, but so does everyone else. Those coats also serve a dual purpose in hiding that post-holiday physique you’re still sporting, so really it’s a win-win.
Don’t: Expect that you and your roommate will magically become best friends after break. It won’t happen. That bitch will still steal your food, stain your clothes, drink all your alcohol, and wake you up at 6 a.m. with her hair dryer just like last semester.
Do: Get revenge. Instead of getting DX or ordering Benny’s after Saturday’s night out, steal and binge on your roommate’s most prized food like they do to you. Or start putting their clothes in obscure places around your dorm/apartment. Hide each of their left shoes. Replace their belts with live snakes. The possibilities are endless.
Don’t: Go to class. Save yourself the agony and tear-jerking boredom of sitting through yet another lecture that only interrupts your online shopping and social media stalking. That can be done much more comfortably (and efficiently) from your bed.
Do: Play a lot of trivia crack, watch some Netflix documentaries, and read the underside of your Snapple cap for fun facts. Knowing things like the middle name of an obscure 17th century Russian poet are important and will benefit you much more than anything taught in the classroom. The world is your classroom. Continue to reassure yourself with that when justifying only going to class on test days.
Whether you killed it last semester or barely scraped by in order to be welcomed back to the university, the spring semester of 2015 is here, ready or not.