Ah, yes. Finals season. When there is so much to do that not doing any of it is the only option. When caffeine is the new oxygen and early onset ulcers are the new black. Times will get hard, and there’s really no point in dealing with any of it. So here are a few dazzling spots around campus and Blacksburg that are perfect for Giving Up™.
5.) This archway by Smyth Hall:
That Hokiestone, that vibrant greenery, those dark shadows perfect for hiding. Don’t just give up hope this final season, give up all your earthly possessions! Create a new home in the shadows and become Gollum, because GPA doesn’t matter when you’re a disgusting monster strayed from the grace of God.
4.) This walk path off of Tom’s Creek Road:
A path lined by gorgeous trees, surrounded by critters, and hit perfectly by the setting sun. It’s also right next to hundreds of acres of uninhabited forest, perfect for all your breakdown needs. If a student in a forest screams for 10 hours straight, but no one is around to hear them, will they still fail their final?
3.) The Duckpond:
One of the most beautiful spots on the Virginia Tech campus, and perfect for spring final. Take some time this final season to walk around the pond and appreciate all the beauty this world has to offer. Then just walk straight into the pond. Keep walking. Grow gills. Become acquainted with the local merfolk. Meet a merman at an underwater bookshop. Fall in love. Marry him. Start a merfolk family. Steadily grow apart from your merman husband. Become suspicious that he’s cheating. Fall out of love. Go through a divorce. Go through a midlife crisis. Take up underwater yoga. Rebuild yourself. Spend your afternoons sitting at a table at the local café, drinking caffeinated kelp and pondering the haunting but vague memories of your life before you entered the pond. Grow old. Spend your last days surrounded by your merchildren in the hospital. Accept death.
2.) The NCB parking lot:
Take a minute to take in that breathtaking sunset. It’s as if Bob Ross has painted the sky. While you’re losing yourself in the beauties of our world, take a seat. Just sit right square in the middle of the parking lot. If you get hit by a car, that’s their problem. At least you won’t have to take that micro final.
1.) The Hahn Horticulture Garden:
Have your eyes ever been so happy? For the full effect, get up close and personal and take in the full scent of these splendors. While you’re there, go ahead and start digging in the mulch. Keep going. Ignore all pain in your hands or lungs. Grab a shovel if it’ll help. Say hello to all the worms and moles you pass on your way. Burrow down until your hit fire. Welcome to hell. This is your home now. Make sure you see Natalie to get your orientation packet. There’s chocolate pudding on Thursdays, and a racquetball tournament every Sunday at 5. Enjoy your stay.
Happy finals, Hokies!