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The SPOT Evaluation Conspiracy Revealed

 

Legend has it that SPOT evaluations were never created to discover a ‘student’s perception of teaching’. According to the ancient student mythology and the dawn of Hokie Stone, university administrators have demanded final grades from professors only 48 hours after the semester officially ends and being only human, the teaching staff is never able to fully complete such an unreasonable demand.

 

Thus, long before the days of even our beloved Frank Beamer, the professors of Virginia Tech assembled in their underground teacher’s lounge to concoct a scheme that would finally allow them to release final grades in 48 hours. Although the details of this meeting have been buried in an undisclosed location on the drillfield, it is clear that the conspiring teachers succeeded in creating something that could determine a student’s final grade within seconds: SPOT evaluations. After all, what better way to determine a student’s entire semester than by basing it off of what they have to say about you?

 

Spending days to carefully craft questions that sounded like they were assessing professors, but were actually designed to learn what the students thought of their esteemed faculty, the most annoying survey to ever leave a printer was created. As soon as the final copy was printed, every professor left the underground lair with one mission: to spread the rumor that these evaluations were ‘anonymous’ and that professors wouldn’t receive them ‘until final grades were released’. And of course, after promises of extra credit and the chance to finally light up their professors, students fell for it.

 

For professors, the SPOT evals were an absolute miracle because they no longer had to devote hours of their lives outside the classroom to grading test after test. With their new secret weapon, they simply determined students’ final grades on how well the student reviewed them. But as the years of SPOT evaluation success continued for professors, they began to grow even greedier. Year after year there was less and less extra credit offered until it came to the point that today, it’s only the rare professor that gives extra credit for completing a SPOT evaluation.

 

And worst yet, the conspiracy grew even larger this past year. After an undercover member of The Black Sheep finally infiltrated an underground teachers meeting it was discovered that the move from paper to online SPOT evaluations was to get even more students to complete the survey. Partnering up with Canvas, SPOT evaluation notifications is programmed to pop up every time a new page is opened on Canvas- all of this is just for final grades.

 

But now that knowledge of this SPOT conspiracy exists, don’t fight it. If teachers go back to actually grading tests to determine final grades, we’re all done for. So do yourself a favor and get an easy A; use this conspiracy against your professors and kiss up like there’s no tomorrow.

 

 

 

 

Ever wonder why your b-hole stings after a night of boozing? Here’s your definitive guide to D.A.D.S.

 

 

 
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