If Virginia Tech Bars Had Realistic Slogans

author-pic at Virginia Tech  

Blacksburg’s got some bars. Little bars, expensive bars and bars that make you want to say, “Hey Diane, where’s Sam?” We love our bars, that’s why we’ve decided to give our bar buddies some help by offering them some honest slogans they might want to seriously consider:

The River Mill: For when you really need a pint but can’t find a babysitter.
Is it just us or are the freshman getting younger each year? Nope, do a double-take. That’s an exasperated father with his two kiddos giving them the, “mommy doesn’t need to know about this,” talk.

Top of the Stairs: All aboard! Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Anything goes when it comes to a TOTS Rail. Gin, vodka, rum, NyQuil; if you can stir it, throw that stuff in there. Rumor has it that even the strongest ingredients still won’t let the drunkest Hokie forget your ear-bleeding karaoke rendition of Don’t Stop Believing.

Blacksburg TapHouse: That’s cute that you think you can afford us.
If you’re looking for the world’s best and, therefore, most expensive burgers, Blacksburg TapHouse has you covered! This foodie hotspot is packing heat with its fine beer collection making it the place you always go when you’re parents come to visit.

Big Al’s: Hey hey, we’re all townies at heart!
Pay a visit to Poor Billy’s upstairs neighbor during a Wednesday evening and you might just find specimens you wouldn’t find at the bottom of the ocean. It’s great though, they’re super friendly.

Hokie House: Business in the front, party in the back.
If you’re expecting mediocre food from a mediocre college town bar, look elsewhere. Hokie House don’t mess around, just don’t let the paint job fool you. Care for some fun? Keep the little one’s downstairs.

Sharkey’s: One Long Island, two Long Island, three Long Island, floor.
If you’re ever lost at sea, look hard enough through your pirate telescope and you just might find an island made entirely out of passed-out Hokies after a Friday night at Sharkey’s. In other words, beware of the Long Islands, they’re a deadly curse.