If VT Dining Halls Had Honest Slogans

author-pic at Virginia Tech  

There’s only so much you can learn about the food at Tech before you actually experience any of it. You can order your food on the Tapingo app ahead of time to skip lines, listen to the advice of that awkward relative of yours who always smells like moldy cheesecake to see what they liked, and take detailed notes of what seems appealing as you go through your freshman orientation, and still be surprised by a few things. The VT dining halls have plenty of quirks and odd features, so to get them straight, each dining hall should have a slogan.

“Read West End Terms and Conditions”:
The West End dining hall is widely regarded as one of the more “posh” options because of the wide variety of choices it provides, like lobster. Talk about livin’ like Larry, right? However, its extravagant nature is often overshadowed by how confusing it can get to decipher when specific meals are sold. If it had this slogan, it could actually give you the disclaimer of saying that certain menu items at Wrap World are only sold on certain days. Otherwise, you might show up Tyler the Creator-style wondering why they won’t “serve the jerk chicken wrap with jerk chicken when you’re craving jerk chicken.”

“Turner is Turmoil”:
Turner is absolute mayhem most of the time. When the Qdoba line isn’t a billion miles long the Breugger’s line is. This slogan would emphasize how this dining hall seems like it takes place in an apocalyptic world setting, because that’s basically what it is. There’s chaos everywhere, from the mess of those swarming around Jamba Juice for their acai bowls that they only bought to post on Snapchat, to the surprisingly large amount of socially awkward people that have no idea how to order from Soup Garden and quickly walk past to avoid it at all costs.

“It’s Nice Kn-OWEN You”:
Owens is a world where legendary football coach Frank Beamer has food named after him and General Tso’s is always in abundance. The slogan brings out the fact that it’s something your entire family will enjoy when they visit you, which is helpful if you need to keep them in a good mood before you tell them you don’t want to be an engineer anymore.

“Deet’s Got More Than Sweet Treats”:
A coffee shop that the characters in Friends would probably leave their Central Perk café for. An ice cream place that would give Ben & Jerry’s a run for its money. Combine these places and you get one of the most relaxed food locations on campus. It’s an absolute hit, like what Batman V. Superman was supposed to be, and it’ll likely be your new favorite study spot.

“D2 and Number Two”:
Most known for its “D2 Dash,” this hall isn’t for the faint-hearted (or the constipated), but is perfect for anyone seeking a riveting experience. Want all-you-can-eat brunch? Make sure you have that toilet paper in stock. Need we say more?

Slogans draw you in for stories and opportunities waiting to be unfolded, and each dining hall here at Tech has its own story to tell. No matter what you’re expecting, be sure to keep these little quirks in mind and give each hall a fair shot.

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