VT Majors Renamed to Fit What They Actually Are

author-pic at Virginia Tech  

We all think our major is the best, hardest, and most rewarding. We’re here to tell you that you’ve definitely wrong and delusional! Here are the VT Majors renamed, based on their worst and most apparent qualities.

Engineering- Hubristic Sciences :
We get it, you’re an engineering student at an engineering school and as consequence you’re better than everyone else. Maybe if you spent more time doing your homework and less time telling everyone how much homework engineers have, you’d actually finish your work before 3 minutes prior to the start of class. To keep your confidence at a reasonable level, please try to remember that you only chose this major because you failed your high school freshman English class.

Psychology- Hemp Sciences:
We’re not talking about the bracelets. These guys spend their days in the clouds dreaming about fucking their moms and salivating dogs. They’ll probably end up being high school psychology teachers or government comparatists living in their parent’s basement.

Business- LinkedIn Studies:
Have you ever met someone who’s the human equivalent of a pair of Vineyard Vines chubbies? Most likely they were a business major, perfect for anyone who doesn’t know what the fuck they want to do with their life, but still wants to pretend they have a better grasp on life than anyone else. They wear suits eight days a week and list themselves as entrepreneurs on LinkedIn, even though the only thing they’ve ever headed is an empty beer can.

Architecture- Hokie Stone Fetishizing 
So you watched one episode of How I Met Your Mother and now you want to spend your entire life drawing apartment buildings or whatever. Is it really worth all the sleep you’re giving up? And honestly, how many different bridges can the world have? Also, don’t you think it’s a bit counterproductive to study architecture at a school that built McBryde? That being said, please call us in 10 years when you’re rich and successful.

Human Nutrition, Foods, 7 Exercises- Former Athlete Sciences 
Also known as “Peaked in High School,” this major focuses primarily on the study of eating quinoa and maintaining that 7-minute mile. Perfect for current athletes who spent too much time worrying about their recruiting process to pass any of their high school classes, or anyone who considers McComas a great location for a first date.

English- Unemployment Studies:
Why study something useful when you can just read The Iliad seven times a semester? English majors can be seen at Next Door Bake Shop or Shanks with a knapsack and a pair of horn rimmed glasses that scream “I think I’m smarter than you because I’ve read Don Quixote.” They spend their days angrily posting about the government and the rights of fictional characters on Facebook, and their biggest fears are multiplication, human interaction, and actual hard work. Also, kudos for studying English at an Engineering school! Great life choice!

Communications- Hoda Kotb Masturbators:
Journalistic integrity is their thing and they most likely spend their time retweeting their idol, Hoda Kotb and writing for the Odyssey. They’ll make sure to tell you about their strong public speaking skills they gained from freshman comm, which is a very marketable skill. 

WATCH: We hit the streets of Chicago’s St. Patty’s Day Parade to see how woke people were.