10 Things More Surprising than Finding Out UVa Gives Priority to Rich Donors’ Kids

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It was the shock felt around the world. It was recently revealed that UVa tracked “priority” applicants to the school based on the potential for their parents to donate money to the university. Students and the press were outraged. Rich people having an advantage? That never happens! Colleges that rely on people’s money banking on donations? This is all new to us at The Black Sheep! To cope, we’ve taken the time to list 10 things even more shocking than this brand. new. information.

10.) N2Go Only Serves Things in a Box to Go:

Yep. We were surprised when the go didn’t stand for “go pro” and we walked into a small hallway-like room with nowhere to sit. We were left wandering around Grounds to find a place to eat while humming “All By Myself.”

9.) Old Cabell was Built Before New Cabell:

UVa actually named a building properly. New Cabell was an addition to Old Cabell, which was built first. They’re even connected. Who knew? Now if only we found out whether or not Cocke Hall was named for a specific reason.

8.) Newcomb Hall is Not Just a Statue of a New Comb:

Whoa! We guess you could say this continues UVa’s poor naming trend despite the breakthrough with the Cabells, but imagine having UVa’s own centerpiece of art smackdab in the middle of Grounds. This would make us even more avant garde, more so than the fact that UVa panders to the rich.

7.) The Stacks are a Place Where Books are Arranged… in Stacks:

Because we really expected that a library in the 21st century would no longer have a bunch of books. We figured they’d be like our bookshelves at home with about 10 books, all from English classes, put neatly in a row to make it look like we have our lives together and are slightly literate. As usual, the answer is if it’s not an Instagram caption, we aren’t reading it.

6.) The McGregor Room Did Not Host the Actual Harry Potter Sets:

GASP! Sometimes it’s really hard to believe that we don’t actually live on a perpetual movie set, but it’s true folks. However, we can take comfort in the fact that like the boy wizard, we are organized by class years, except for the first years. You guys don’t get to take comfort in anything.

5.) We Didn’t Get a Snow Day All Semester:

Sully is just the most generous of outgoing presidents. We get a day off if she sneezes wrong, so of course we expected a bunch of snow days. Boy were we surprised when that didn’t happen. It’s as if we should have actually done our homework instead of going to Trin every single night that it was cold. Who would have thought?

4.) Rice Hall ISN’T Made of Rice AND Doesn’t Even Serve It:

In regards to every other building named Rice serving rice or having been made of rice would have been the most obvious thought, but this one particularly shook sushi lovers around the world. These same people were also shocked that Condoleezza Rice was a former secretary of state and not the owner of a Japanese steak house in D.C.

3.) People on Honor have Fake IDs:

How is it that the ones who are supposed to preach honor are frequently the most dishonorable? The only thing that would shock us more is if we discovered that they cheated on exams and used Spanish translators on Spanish homework assignments. Oh wait…

2.) T Sully has No Relation to Sully:

It took UVa biology classes a lot of DNA work to realize that just because people have similar last names, doesn’t mean that they’re related. We honestly thought all 1,000 Smiths at UVa were all cousins from Kentucky or somewhere else with horses. But, come on: don’t you see the resemblance?

1.) Class Registration on SIS was a Bitch:

SIS is just so functional and easy. Every other year, we’d give it a 10/10 for making our lives easier by getting us into every single class that we want. Something must have been different this time. 

So now that you’ve all had time to process 10 things even more surprising than UVa prioritizing rich kids who apply, isn’t it time that we admit that we weren’t really surprised at all? 

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