The list of most anticipated school holidays, least to greatest, goes as follows: Thanksgiving, Christmas, Reading Day. Reading days are blessed days that graces UVa students with a day off for studying, even though we all know that this 24-hour “free space” on the Bingo game that is college can be used for a variety of other tomfoolery. Listed below are some alternative ways you can spend your not one, but TWO reading days this week:
6.) Smoke fat blunts all day:
This one’s self explanatory, and first on the list because it should be your top priority. Get some snack food, invite some friends over (or don’t), stay in your pajamas and blow smoke out of your window all day. Just remember to brush your teeth and stuff.
5.) Actually use the library for pleasure:
No one’s forcing you to be there, so stick it to the man and go become knowledgeable on something you don’t have to write a paper on, read Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone for the 34th time, or bring a sleeping bag and nestle yourself into the aisles and aisles of untouched reference books.
4.) Remaining food smorgasbord:
Speaking of your cabinets, surely you have an odd array of last resort canned goods that you’ve decided to ignore entirely. Here’s one perfectly good day for you to quit making excuses, and actually put those canned beans and frozen pizzas to use. Start an Instagram trend called #LastMeals and become really famous without giving us any credit. It’ll be a blast, and a much more relevant reason to post food on social media than whatever your dumb reason is now.
3.) Establish residency at Bodo’s:
You’re spending one of your two free reading day mornings with a great group of friends. “Hey everyone,” a smart friend proposes, “I’m pretty damn hungry. Let’s all go get bagels!” You unanimously agree with said friend, and with much gusto, pile into someone’s car and bop on down to Bodo’s. You order five bagels each to prepare for the oncoming night, even though it’s only 10:30 in the morning. Despite the fact that it’s a beautiful day, by agreeing to head to Bodo’s you’ve all realized that once you walk through those friendly doors, you can never leave.
2.) Sleep for 48 hours:
Time to go into hibernation mode! Force feed yourself a couple of those nutritional protein bars, draw your shades, down a bottle of children’s Benadryl (cherry flavor is The Black Sheep Staff’s Pick™) and give yourself the title (read: luxury) of becoming the laziest sack of shit on the planet. You’ve worked hard all semester, you deserve to do nothing but actively take up space for the rest of the day.
1.) Drop out:
Finally, a break in the action. Now’s your chance to end your suffering forever and, with one to ten swift clicks of your computer mouse, drop out of college forever, or at least until you’re done with soul searching, building churches in South America, working at Dunkin’ Donuts, or all three.
Hopefully our bountiful list has given you some ideas on how to sit back, relax, and do anything but study on these two days designated to doing just that.
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