7 Ways to Completely Piss Off a UVa Student
Despite the impossibly high GPAs, endless extracurricular activities, and abundance of breakdowns due to stress, UVa students like to think of themselves as pretty ~chill~. However, everyone has a limit, and these are eight surefire ways to completely piss off a UVa student.
7.) When the Rider App won’t load:
While it seems like at least half the population at UVa is running at least a marathon a day, walking to class is way too much to expect from the student body. Our backpacks are filled with countless textbooks, and while these fluffy quarter zip jackets look comfy and warm, the wind cuts through them like a knife. Leaving our room ten minutes earlier is just not an option, and when Rider doesn’t load, how are we supposed to get to class? Oh well, guess it’s a good day to skip.
6.) Missing Ms. Kathy at Newcomb:
Days are long, classes are strenuous, and hangovers are prevalent. College manages to suck quite a bit of the life out of us students, but the one thing that every UVa student can count on is a daily pick-me-up from the one and only Ms. Kathy. Whether it is a hug, an encouraging word, or a sly glance at the hickey on your neck and a “looks like you had a fun weekend” remark (true story), Ms. Kathy reminds students that life is worth living, and no matter how many midterms have piled up, you can get through the day.
5.) Coughing in Clem 1:
When it comes to cramming, UVa students do not fuck around. Were we all shitfaced and screaming “Closer” by The Chainsmokers 12 hours ago? Maybe. But now it’s Sunday, and countless UVa students must descend down the four floors into the hellish dungeon that is pure focus and silence. The crippling reality of going to a “prestigious institution” hits, and all books are out, but wait? What is that noise? Oh hell no. UVa doesn’t give a fuck if you have the common cold. All heads whip around to locate the source of the noise, and glares will be thrown. If you feel a tickle in your throat, we suggest Alderman.
4.) Trashing white Converse/Adidas:
“Omg look at my shoes!? How did this happen!?” Well you know what? We’ll let you in on how it happened. You wore white shoes to a fraternity, where the floor is covered entirely in dirt and beer. It even has an official name, “frat sludge,” and you still wore your white shoes. Yes, please tell us how upset you are that they’re ruined. It’s incredible, people here are literally studying rocket science but don’t understand how their favorite sneakers got dirty.
3.) When they turn the lights at Trin:
What time is it? Trin O’Clock. Wait. Shit. It’s past Trin O’Clock. You, my poor, unfortunate soul, have stayed at Trinity Irish Pub just a second too long, and on come the blinding lights, illuminating the true shambles of the night and revealing the face of the guy you were dancing with (yikes). These few seconds strike fear into the hearts of every Hoo, for there’s nothing worse than being caught, ass out, at Trin at closing time.
2.) Missing Meal Exchange by a few minutes:
So you, a responsible, intelligent student, decide that while a Gus Burger or Christian’s pizza is far more convenient on the way home from another shambly night, those $5 spent on food would push the already $40 you’ve spent on drinks over the edge. Luckily, God invented Meal Exchange, and off to Crossroads you run. You drunkenly stumble to the door, ready to devour whatever greasy food you can pick up first, but alas, the lights are out and the food is being packed away. Turning away and going back to the dorm without pizza? There’s no truer definition of a tragedy.
1.) Your Internet connection switching from “Cavalier” to “Welcome to UVA Wireless”:
Literally any time your laptop moves a centimeter to the side, UVa seems to completely forget the fact that you’re indeed a full time student, not some imposter that is visiting for the day and should not have access to the real wifi. Look UVa, if we put up with all the assignments, exams, and projects, you could at least acknowledge that we’re real members of the university. Time here is a cherished thing, and every second that it takes to reconnect to “Cavalier” is an extra second that has to spent in the depths of the stacks.
Yeah, yeah construction’s infuriating too, but there’s nothing quite like missing Miss Kathy that’ll ruin your day.
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