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UVa A**hole to Sell Free Concert for Charlottesville Ticket on StubHub

Sources are reporting that some asshole is reselling his ticket to the Concert for Charlottesville at an exorbitant price on StubHub. Tickets for the benefit concert were originally free and given out through a lottery system. However, scumbags across central Virginia and other nearby areas are selling off their tickets to yuppies in New York and California.

“You have to be a real piece of shit to make a profit on a concert that’s for charity. It’s heartless,” one anonymous citizen said.

The pathetic rat of a human reportedly listed his ticket online for $50 with hopes that it would start a bidding war and sell for around $350. Sadly, his isn’t the only ticket you’ll find being resold online at inflated prices.

“I’m originally from Denver, Colorado and I’m a huge Dave Matthews Band fan. I don’t think I could live with myself if I somehow didn’t find a way to get out there and see him perform in his hometown,” said William Russell, a UVa sophomore with no heart.

Unsurprisingly, more people from out of state seem to be attending the Concert for Charlottesville than actual UVa students, let alone residents of Charlottesville who experienced the terror of August 11 and 12 firsthand. While most see the concert as a night where the city can come together, others see it as an opportunity to capitalize on tragedy and put more money in their scummy pockets.

“I personally wasn’t affected by what happened over the summer, so what’s the big deal if I resell my ticket online?” says man who completely misses the point.

Meanwhile, students are searching far and wide like hyenas for anyone willing to sell them a ticket or, if they’re actually a good-hearted person, give them theirs for free.

“I’ve posted in every class group on Facebook that I’m looking for a ticket and no one comments. All I want to do is watch Pharrell and Justin Timberlake have their inevitable dance-off on stage,” another UVa student said.

However, people were given another opportunity to receive tickets on September 15 if they skipped class and work to stand in line outside of John Paul Jones Arena for several hours to maybe get a ticket. With such a limited quantity available, the chances weren’t looking good.

“I missed the biggest interview of my life to stand in this line today,” a woman decked out in Chris Stapleton merchandise said. “If I don’t get a ticket, I’ll literally lose my shit.”

The hype surrounding the Concert for Charlottesville will continue to grow up until the big night and, so too, will prices for tickets online. Many are predicting a massive turnout, with a unique mix of Californians and northern Virginians Instagramming themselves at a concert that isn’t meant for them, while the rest of Charlottesville stands outside Scott Stadium like sad puppies.

“The United States is a capitalist nation,” someone without a lot of friends said. “I’m just taking advantage of the free market. It’s not my fault that you can’t do the same. I’m about to pocket $70.”

The benefit concert will take place on September 24 at Scott Stadium. If you weren’t able to secure a ticket and don’t have the disposable wealth to splurge on one, The Black Sheep suggests following as many of your NOVA friends as you can on Snapchat.

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