You’ve seen them around, surely. Perhaps you thought the boy in the suit was an adjunct professor, or maybe you thought he was a stressed out and overdressed high schooler touring Grounds. Did you think that girl in the pencil skirt was just a miserable admissions officer or perhaps a scorned pediatrician? Well, they weren’t. They were comm school kids and that’s why they’re miserable.
You or someone you know may have lost a loved one to comm school. You could lose them next year or sometime soon while they begin preparing their application a year in advance. We don’t know how we can support you in your time of mourning, but we do know there’s a behemoth at Virginia turning all of our over-achieving friends into zombies, and his name is McIntire.
First off, comm school is a place that steals your soul and preps you for being just another well-greased cog in the capitalist machine. Please, business and econ people, control your raging boners. We understand that everyone in the program just wants to get out of college and make a starting salary somewhere north of $80k, but is it really worth all the dry cleaning bills for the suits that won’t fit you in a year because of your beer gut (but will fit you again after your first year in the financial sector because of all the coke)?
Second, half of the people in Comm school hate themselves. Whether it’s the forced networking events with big firms, the forced participation in classes where every single person races to raise their hand, or the forced connections comm schoolers make with all of their professors, somehow these guys don’t feel fulfilled. Look, we get it, your dad pressured you to do this, but it’s never too late to switch to the comparative lit degree you’ve always wanted and let your pops figure it out on graduation day.
Also, business casual actually means business casual. Everyone is so goddamn competitive amongst the comm schoolers that people have actually eradicated the mandatory business casual get-up for business formal boss-person attire. Who does that? Go to class in khakis and beat up Nikes like the rest of your frat brothers, save the monkey suits and blazers for your “information session” with the Big 4 guys at Crozet this Thursday night. Oh does that interrupt/exactly coincide with your party time? Whoops, their bad. But if it makes you feel better, you probably won’t be getting into the Big 4. Oh, and you have a pizza sauce stain on your Ralph Lauren button up.
Finally (well, we could go on all day but), comm school classes are a nightmare. Lasting 2 hours and 45 minutes each day, it’s no wonder these people are completely miserable. Not only are the classes long, but they’re with the same people day in and day out, so if your block group sucks, so does the entirety of the semester because that shit doesn’t change. Hope you enjoy hanging out constantly with a bunch of other over-achieving assholes who will throw an elbow to answer a question both before it’s entirely out of the professor’s mouth and certainly before your slow ass gets the chance to answer.
In conclusion, a word of advice to all those thinking about applying to comm school: don’t, for reasons stated above. Good day.
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