So you signed your soul away for what you thought would be one big party, but suddenly you found yourself reciting prayers to the sorority gods at chapter whilst dressing in pin attire. You’ve put forth little to effort into creating meaningful connections with your sisters, your liver hurts, and something has to change. That something is leaving the cult and dropping your sorority.
Like that pair of fat pants you keep in the back of your closet, your sorority has been a safety blanket, so here’s how to adapt to the geed life:
5.) Relearn how to start a conversation:
Asking someone what house they’re in is no longer a valid ice breaker. Neither is that story about the time you puked on the bus back from semi and got away with it. You must learn how to start a conversation with an ordinary person. Is it raining outside? Are they a mechanical engineer, or some other unimportant major? Do they have a cigarette? For the love of God, you need a damn cigarette to numb this geed-forsaken existence.
4.) Reteach your body to sleep in past 8 a.m. on Saturdays:
Though your body never quite adapted to waking up on time for your morning class, it sure did adapt to waking up at the crack of dawn for a darty to indulge in tequila sunrises. Now that you’re a geed, and can no longer get into a bar for free to get tanked before noon, it’s time to reset your body’s circadian rhythm.
3.) Reread your old journals to remember who you were:
After zoning out all year to cope with sitting through three-hour long sisterhood events, you may find yourself a little disconnected from reality. What were your hobbies before balancing straight Cs and nightly pregames? What color hair did you have before you bleached it? Remember who you were by rereading old journals. If you find out you were angsty, maybe just go with recreating yourself. This is your time to truly find your identity.
2.) Clean out your closet:
Your room is overflowing with $20 t-shirts you were forced to buy for events when your excuses got denied. Due to the fact that any outfit you wear before 9 p.m. is doused in letters and symbols, it’s time to invest in a regular, normal person sweatshirt. Throw away those jerseys of sports you’ve never understood, or maybe even get real clothing… but take this one step at a time.
1.) Use those social skills from Rush to make friends:
For the last three years, finding the nearest party with free flavored rubbing alcohol was a group text away. When pre-planned parties vanish and you’re left to fend for yourself, bring back that fake personality from recruitment. After all, it got you into a sorority. Approach fellow geeds and shower them in fake kindness until someone bites your hook. If all goes well, you might get invited to afties at a random apartment you’ve never heard of.
After a few months, you should be fully adapted to living life like an average human again. Disclaimer: we’re not saying you’ll enjoy it.