10 Things You Should Remember to Bring to Foxfield this Year
It’s the classiest event of the year. Foxfield is an event where UVa students dress in their Sunday best and spend a beautiful day outside watching some horses run. Yeah sure, we know that’s what you tell your parents. In reality, it’s one of many events during the year where students attempt to see who can outdrink each other. Needless to say it’s a big event for any Hoo, and we at The Black Sheep have you covered with all you need to bring to have a successful day.
10.) A Water Bottle Full of Burnett’s:
For those UVA21 peeps, don’t forget this essential to item to enjoy the races. Remember your totally legitimate South Carolina ID and you will have the perfect ingredients to stay hydrated all day.
When UVa students are drunk, sometimes they get mean. Like, meaner than a Tech student at a high school reunion overcompensating for their life. So you’ll want to bring bandaids and maybe even an ice pack for the burns that they’re sure to use on you. Yo mama jokes not included.
Nobody likes a person whose skin is a cross between boiled bacon and Mr. Krabs. Horses may not be able to see the color red (yeah, we did our homework) but that girl you’re trying to hookup with definitely can and she’d prefer if you were less splotchy.
7.) Ya Friends:
Shout out to the group of drunk sorority girls who inevitably get so drunk that they get lost and can’t find their way home. One of them is usually trashed enough to be M.I.A. for like, 14 hours. For those who can’t afford a GPS, turn on your location services with your friends if you don’t want to deal with the police.
6.) An Actual Water Bottle with Actual Water in it:
This is so that you don’t pass out and wake up to find a drunk frat boy has drawn a penis in Sharpie on your face while you were sleeping, or laid his actual one atop your face. You don’t want to explain that to your professors Monday morning.
5.) An Umbrella:
Even if it doesn’t rain, carrying an umbrella always make a person look posh. It will also thoroughly confuse any JMU students who venture out of the middle of nowhere to come and pretend that they like the finer things in life. You can then use the umbrella to swat the mediocrity away.
4.) Hat/Sunglasses/Scarf Combo:
You’d think this is another sun protection necessity, but it’s actually to hide how glazed over your eyes will be from all of the drinking. The scarf can be used to either hide the hickey you got leaning against some dude’s lifted truck, or to prevent your pasty neck from burning. The hat will be used to help you passively stare at your crush without them even knowing it’s you. Win-win for the stalkers out there who are bored of Instagram.
3.) A Banana:
While you could use it as a snack to soak up the alcohol, you could also use it to trip random passersby and record the footage for your Snapchat story. We will leave it up to you to decide.
2.) A Personal Business Card:
Any adult who makes it to this event has plenty of money considering just student tickets and parking is around $400. These are the people you want to schmooze. Attach a resume with your most up to date references and work on concealing drunkenness at an impromptu interview with a potential employer. This is where the sunglasses will come in handy.
1.) Yo Mama Jokes:
Since they weren’t included with the bandaids, and no one loves yo mama jokes more than drunk college students bawling because a sad Drake song came on.
Foxfield is this Saturday, don’t show up without bandaids or umbrellas.
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