Members of the Nu Omicron Omega fraternity at the University of Virginia announced Sunday that they were a little uncomfortable with new pledge Kyle Moore’s eagerness to be hazed.
“We were just planning on making them drink until they puke all over each other, but Kyle seemed to be looking for way more of a challenge,” chapter president Trevor Simpson told reporters. “Like, he asked us if he was going to have to swallow a goldfish. He honestly looked really sad when we told him that wasn’t going to happen.”
“I like most of the new pledges,” said fraternity member “Fat Dave” McCoy. “But Kyle is a little intense. He came up to me the other day and started asking when they would need to do the elephant walk. I told him that we wouldn’t want to make them do that, let alone watch to make sure they did. So he tried to play it off like he was joking.”
“I don’t think he was joking,” Davies added.
The active brothers of Nu Omicron Omega weren’t the only ones to notice Moore’s strange behavior. Others in his pledge class expressed concern, too.
“He seemed normal at first, but the other day, I accidentally walked in on Kyle in the bathroom,” fellow pledge John Davies told The Black Sheep. “Not, like, peeing or anything. He was just paddling himself and holding back tears. I don’t even know if he saw me or not. It just creeps me out so much. Like, what the fuck is that about?”
When asked about these allegations, Moore forcefully stated that he was the normal one, and he believed the fraternity to be “weak.”
“I was mentally preparing myself to have to raise a puppy and then kill it, but the worst thing that’s happened is Fat Dave made me take a shot of teriyaki sauce,” Moore told The Black Sheep. “And he even asked me if I was okay with it first.”
“I actually started making myself run five miles every morning. You know, in order to break myself down so that they could build me back up,” Moore added. “But it turned out I was just improving my health, so I had to stop.”
At press time, Moore had last been spotted forcing himself to streak across the Lawn. He was alone.
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