The Chainsmokers held a concert at the University of Virginia last night to celebrate the end of the semester. Sophomore and avid Chainsmokers fan, Drew Clayton, was surprised when he was handcuffed for Chainsmoking during the event.
Clayton, who is also a member of UVa’s “Chain Smokers Club,” was in attendance to the concert after mistaking it for an event the club was hosting.
“I was super excited,” Clayton started. “I walked in and thought the music was totally lit and a great background for the main event.” Clayton nervously fidgeted with his vape pen and reached for a slice of Mellow pizza. “I mean it can’t get any better than to have a DJ called the Chainsmokers for the big national meeting of the Chain Smokers Club.”
Concert attendees weren’t surprised by Clayton’s arrest. Sally Baker, a Third Year who went to the concert, said “I just randomly saw this out of place dweeb in the corner take out his bong and start smoking. He reeked of marijuana more than Grandmarc’s hallways. That is a lot of marijuana.”
Baker went on to call the police, as she found the stranger to be unattractive and alarming. Baker stated that she at first thought of calling the Ambassadors on the Corner for their advice, but quickly remembered that they were useless and thought better of it.
“My parents are super pissed at me. They say I’ve thrown my life away, but bruh I was just trying to live. The Chain Smokers Club also kicked me out because apparently I’m ‘stupid’. It’s not my fault that the event was called The Chainsmokers! Of course I thought it was our event!”
In the future, Drew plans on suing The Chainsmokers for emotional damages stemming from them having a misleading name that caused his misfortune. He also hopes that the cops return some of his personal belongings like his vape pen because he can’t pretend to be a pretentious hipster without it.
Listen to our podcast!