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UVa Students Knocked Down a Peg After Nearly Losing to A School No One’s Ever Heard of


Thursday the Cavaliers faced off against the UNCW Seahawks in Orlando, scraping by with a 76-71 win against the school that no one has ever heard of. Virginia fans who were confident enough to skip out on watching the first game because of the predicted landslide victory have been humbled by this experience.

The shock is certainly not that the Hoos pulling away with a victory, but the fact that it was so hard earned.

“I couldn’t believe what I heard when I got home from class!” said a disgruntled second year wearing a Blue Man Group shirt he claimed made him “feel connected to Orlando.” “A team that made it to the Elite Eight last year looked like it was going to lose to a school who should be better at beach volleyball than hoops.” 

Perrantes led the team with 24 points, followed by Marial Shayok who shot a career high of 23 points. Though Wilmington held the lead for a considerable chunk of the first half, they began slipping up and an audible sigh was heard from the Virginia bench.

“We couldn’t have been happier when they started fucking up,” shared star first year Kyle Guy. “It really took a lot of the heat off of me to perform well, especially since I thought this was going to be an easy one.”

Other Virginia players were visibly relieved as well, they began to loosen up and got back into the game, working not to disappoint a student body coming off the hangover of a tough loss to Notre Dame in the ACC tournament. 

The Cavs stayed ahead in the final minutes, not really enough to brag about, but enough to get by. We’ll take it.


WATCH: For some, spring break is about partying on the beach. For others, it’s about wallowing in despair:


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