The end of your lease is approaching and it’s on you to find a way to move all your stuff to your new place. It’s too bad your car got impounded when you parked at Campus Wok and walked to your summer class. You can’t afford a moving truck and your parents sure aren’t going to help after your spectacular GPA faceplant last semester. You have no choice but to get creative.
5.) Tie your couch to the side of the bus:
If you’re this desperate you can move your mattress this way too. Simply attach your furniture to the side of the Brown Route bus using duct-tape or bungee cords. (This works best when a friend is available to distract the bus driver.) You can move your couch all over town using this method for only$3 per ride. That’s the cost of a whole Four Loko, so it’s a little pricey for some, but worth considering.
4.) Take shots and just hike:
Sit down with a bottle of your favorite affordable liquor (we recommend Burnett’s vodka when trying to be cost effective), and take a lot of shots. Then, carry all of your shit to your new place. We know you’re thinking, “fuck this guy I’m not carrying my mahogany pull out futon couch a whole block.” Trust us, in the morning, all of your furniture will have magically moved to your new place and you won’t remember a thing. The only real cost is the terrible hangover and the judging looks your new neighbors will give you every time you walk into the parking lot.
3.) The suburban Yukon sled:
You will need: two long boards, rope, duct tape, and a dog. Duct tape those boards together and have your dog pull whatever you need, wherever you need. This might cost you a couple of dog treats and some pets, but trust us when we say it’s worth it. This is an ancient technique, first used by Native Americans in the great north, so you may learn a little about what it would be like to live in 1300s Alaska.
2.) Grocery car plus moped:
This is our recommended method for those who are looking to move a lot of material possessions a long distance. Simply borrow a shopping cart from Meijer and tie it to a friend’s moped or motorcycle. Now you basically have a tiny truck to move your stuff with. This method will only cost you gas, and is the preferred way to move a couple blocks. Have someone in the cart when moving heavy furniture like dressers and pianos so they can catch things if they start to fall out.
1.) Leave your things around town with a return address:
This is as easy as it gets. Write the address of your new apartment on the bottom of your China cabinet and pull it out into the middle of a busy road. Drivers will be forced to stop and move it, at which point they will see the address. With patience and time, some good samaritan with an F-250 will throw your furniture in the truck bed and take it to the address. Just tell them that it fell off your car in transit and thank them.This is completely free, just look both ways before pulling your shit into traffic.
You could always ask a friend to borrow their truck, but then you would owe them a favor. Instead, you should follow these tips and stay extra hydrated to make your move as easy as possible.
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