Rush Week has come and gone, but now it’s time for pledges to fully take on their first ever experience of being in a fraternity. From Pike to Sig Ep, pledges not only come in all shapes and sizes, but also levels of utter stupidity and douchebaggery. Since Western parties way more than any other school, the pledges attempt to be as fratty as possible. So here are the five main species of pledges you’ll see at Western, and why they really just suck:
5.) The drug plug:
This guy is normally in his twenties (yes, a bad time to rush) and picks any frat just to gain some connections to keep their business going. This guy may seem elusive since ATO or Theta Chi certainly won’t have him because he just sucks that much. You can normally spot this bastard at the Bernhard Center wearing cargo shorts, a tattered button-down, and sneakers looking shifty. This pledge is really horrible because he could cause some serious damage to the names of the frats … and potentially get them suspended from throwing parties.
4.) The short hard ass:
This is the kind of kid that was certainly made fun of in high school, but is now an aspiring frat star and can be seen at the door-check at FIJI or Lambda acting like he’s the shit. He’s got a very punchable face and always attempts to look cool by wearing that white polo hat backwards and talking to GDIs like he’s far tougher than all of them combined. Don’t hesitate when this kid asks you “Who do you know here?” to simply tell him to step aside and walk his ass back to Valley Three.
3.) The 40-year-old:
Upon those hysterically awkward meet n’ greets with sororities, you will always see one older gentleman taking a stab at Greek life. These are the guys that are going back to school and would enjoy a student’s social life along with it. They ignore the fact that they are twice the age of most of the active members and creepily act like they’re young again. Some Alpha Phis or Sigma Kappas might be into the older guys, but still keep an eye out for these creepy, old pledges, which certainly shouldn’t be too hard since they look like they could be the father of their fellow pledge brothers.
2.) The Kzoo native that thinks he knows everyone:
Around Sig Chi or Pi Kapp, you’ll encounter the guy that has lived in Kalamazoo his whole life and claims that he knows everyone at Western. Sure, there are a lot of students that have lived in Kzoo for a while, but these guys really suck since they act like they run the streets and are far cooler than everyone just because they were born in the Zoo. You’ll spot them walking through Sangren saying hi to everyone in sight as if he actually gives a shit about them. Everyone gets it, man—you were born to be a Bronco.
1.) The destructive rally starter:
The amount of energy within these pledges is unbelievably incalculable. Somehow, they manage to beer bong hard liquor, burn random shit in the fire pits behind Phi Sig, and expect everyone else around them to be on their level. They will do their absolute best to get everyone shitfaced and rally like there’s no tomorrow. These kids seem to run the show and completely embody the life of the party in all the worst ways. You constantly worry about their own well-being as they enter their blasted stage and never cease to remember any of their weekends.
Western certainly has some unique characters within the pledge classes in the eleven social fraternities. These aspiring party animals are crazy, but simply just suck and it’s only a matter of time before their community service hours are due or they’re dropped.
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