When you’re at Western, you think you know the game until the real world clotheslines you into a shit-storm of reality. One day you’re enjoying your carefree play and the next day you wake up chained to a toilet while a little clown man in a tricycle is asking you to “play a game” in a game called life. The Black Sheep is giving you 5 pieces of advice to enjoy your spring semester for someone who thinks they’ve experienced it all:
6.) Go to as many sporting events as you can:
You have leftover face paint from that gnarly party your freshman year, right? You know, the one where everyone was half-naked and covered in sparkles. If you still have some of those leftover gems stashed away in the party box, what better way to use it than showing your WMU pride and cheering on the sports teams? Think of it this way, you can pre-game before you start putting on your unicorn glitter and 3-month-old paint. That way, it will look like you actually care for the teams you’re going to cheer on.
5.) Grotto Sundays are better than Fridays:
There’s something about going to a bar with the idea that you’re not going to get completely wasted, but end up taking belly button shots off of some guy’s beer gut by 2 a.m. Maybe it’s the idea of breaking all the rules and being a little bad right as the weekend comes to an end that makes it so intriguing. Maybe it’s just Grotto deals and everyone hanging out shoulder-to-shoulder in the dark basement that makes it easy to relax and lose track.
4.) Take more than 6 credits:
Yeah, having all this free time to get drunk on a Tuesday night at The Library seems great, but so is actually graduating. Is it difficult taking two classes and working ten hours a week? No. Wake up dude, you’re gonna have to stop mooching off of your parents some time or another. Maybe if you spent less time sitting on your ass and reheating that day-old Two Fellas, it wouldn’t seem so hard. Sooner than you may realize, you’re the only 25-year-old in your gen-ed class wondering why in the hell everyone looks like sexually-charged, sober 15-year-olds.
3.) Stop taking 8a.m.s:
The only 8 a.m. alarm you should ever concern yourself with is getting up for pregaming the 3 p.m. football games, and those days are far from over. “Can’t make it today” turns into all semester and if you thought it was going to be any different, then you might as well add this to the list of New Year’s resolutions that you lied to yourself about.
2.) Binge on Netflix:
Adulthood is a trap! So go ahead and watch that entire season of Shameless in one night. You don’t deserve it at all you lazy piece of shit, but the real world is about to bend you over in a couple semesters. So it’s only fair to milk the entire experience before life takes you for a hell ride.
1.) Walk to class:
Parking is total shit and takes just as long, if not longer, than walking. Like, why did you choose a school where you knew the air would hurt your face? Yes, the winters here are complete Hell but you accepted that fact the day Western accepted you. You’d be amazed at what shivering does for the abs and how much more money skipping the parking pass puts in your pocket.
It’s never too late, Broncos. Live your moments here like you’re Morgan Freeman completing a college bucket list with Jack Nicholson, but do it smart. Only thing that’s worse than waking up full of regrets after a night out in college is waking up full of regrets “just because” as an adult with responsibilities.