7 Things Every WMU Freshman Will Find in their Dorm During Move-Out

author-pic at Western Michigan University  

It’s getting close to the end of the semester, and for freshmen that means ending an idyllic first year of college. Soon, you’ll be moving out of the dorm you haven’t cleaned since you moved in, and this will be much more complicated than any final you will take. Here are 7 things you’re guaranteed to find in that heap of shit on your dorm floor during move-out.

 

7.) A whole bunch of FYE 2100 papers:

Some are graded and some are not. It’s a good thing you don’t have to waste all your money and go through FYE again next year, but that also means taking classes next year where professors actually expect you to do work.

 

6.) One dorm key and a Bronco ID:

After your first real college party, you thought you lost your keys and ID at Campus Court, but you’re in luck, they’re stuck in some kind of mold growing in the corner of your Valley II room. Though, it’s probably for the better that you lost the first ID because the new picture makes you look… half decent.

 

5.) Paper menus that you’ve never used:

WMU freshmen learn very quickly that all the delicious delivery options are a much better bet than taking a gamble with any of the dining hall food. As you go to stuff your face and your arteries, that grease soaked menu just gets tossed to the floor becoming part of your very own, nasty papier-mache rug.

4.) Random Bronco Bash swag:

Any freshman’s first Bronco Bash is a mad dash to grab all the free shit that people hand out, which also means a lot of unnecessary RSO memorabilia and magnets hanging around. The only thing any freshman needs from Bronco Bash is the magnet with the info for the lawyer that deals with MIPs.

3.) A dirty Western shirt that you always wore to football games:

You wore it to every home game and often found yourself puking on it after adding too much UV Blue to your Den Pop Mountain Dew. After the season ended, you left it in the back of your closet somewhere, and now it’s mom’s job to get it clean so that you can for next season’s festivities.

2.) Bottle caps and empty beer boxes:

It’s like a graveyard for Oberon and Founder’s caps, smashed Natty Light boxes, and various empty cans of Bud Light. Just make sure to get rid of them before your RA and your parents get there… you want them to keep thinking you’re a good little Bronco.

1.) Your will to live:

Ah, you’ve found it! Right on the very bottom, right where you put it when you first unlocked your dorm room door in August! Finally, now that school’s done, you can get that back and get ready to get lit this summer.

It’s been one hell of a first year being a Bronco. The best part is that, when you come back in the fall, it’s going to be all the same fun all over again. Now be like a good WMU student and make your summer a boozy blur.