How to Dump Your Summer Fling in 3 Easy Steps

author-pic at Western Michigan University  

We all know the scenario; you’ve had a great time with your hometown fling this summer. With your picnics, sex on a Traverse City beach, dirty text messages, and late-night booty calls, this may be the greatest relationship you’ve ever been in. In fact, it may have been the best summer of your life! But let’s face it, you go to Western and they go to some godawful school a thousand miles away in who knows where. Mt. Pleasant or some shit. Here’s how to kick ‘em to the curb and get started on your new fall project. 

Step 1:
Convince them that they deserve better. Making it sound like it’s in their best interest! You may be the best piece of ass they will ever get, but you’ve got to cut yourself down in some way. Tell them that you’re planning on gaining a few pounds over the next year—what with Jimmy John’s and whatnot, and that you may be failing all your classes “just to see what happens.” Convince your summer lover that there are better options. There’s got to be something wrong with you.

Step 2:
Tell them that they weren’t good enough for you. When step one doesn’t work, blame them instead. A parting gift will usually help ease their pain, but honestly, you can probably just send them a nice Snapchat. Worst case scenario, they cry themselves to sleep. No big deal. 

Step 3:
Ignore them. When they decide that you’re wrong about them, don’t yield to the temptations of their dirty messages. Don’t text them back, don’t answer their calls. Something greater is coming, but you must let it come to you. 

Basically, pulling any lie out of your ass that you can, will help you say goodbye to your summer fling, and maybe, just maybe you won’t see them ever again.