Kalamazoo Police Search for Student’s Desire to Take Com 1000 Final
After attempting to resolve the matter on his own, WMU freshman Bobby Knight filed a missing person report for his desire to take his Com 1000 final.
“I’m not sure exactly when I lost it,” said Knight, an education major. “I last saw it during House Crawl somewhere between the Drake Party Center and Fratville. It looked like it was running off towards the train tracks. I hope it’s okay.”
Knight’s Exam Motivation is the latest in a long line of lost motivation cases. According to WMU Chief of Police Gregory Brown, incidents like this spike around December and April, for reasons unknown.
“Oddly enough, this is third time this month someone’s drive has vanished,” said Brown. “Our best detectives have been analyzing the data, and we think incidents like this one are concentrated around the fall and spring months due to their coincidental proximity to exam season. We have several current leads we are investigating, including the possibility that Knight himself is the perpetrator. After speaking to people at Knight’s frat, Alpha Tau Omega, and staff members of The Library, we have no further comment at this time.”
Knight’s roommate, Giancarlo Monero, expressed a similar sentiment regarding the possibility that Bobby Knight may not be the victim he claims to be.
“He has just been so annoying lately,” said Monero. Every night last week, he would come home whining about how stressful it was to be a communications major at WMU, only to sit down and play Broncoland on his computer until 5 a.m.! I think he abandoned his own motivation to take his com final and is just looking for an easy way out.”
The lab teacher for Knight’s Com 1000 class, Theodore Thompson, also seemed unsympathetic to his plight.
“I could care less if Mr. Knight lost his motivation,” said Thompson. “I expect him to be here at 8:00 a.m. on Monday morning sitting in his seat in Brown Hall. If not, he will be the one who fails, not his ‘motivation’.”
Hopefully, Knight can find his desire to take his Com 1000 before next week. Otherwise, he might have to spend the summer looking for it before he’s forced to retake it in the fall.